In virtually every part of the world, you are more than fifty percent likely to find a woman in an abusive heterosexual relationship. It isn't unnatural to hear painful questions that can be summarized, such as: is he using me? Why is it that in spite of the thousands of seminars on relationships and the tens of thousands of movies that idealize loving relationships, there seems to be an increase in the number of women who are stuck, confused, and used by their partners? Simply put, predators are hideously smart and are good at hiding behind their charming façade and wily manipulations. Therefore, it shouldn't be too much to ask from you, to take a step back for a critical look at your relationship. Use the signs below as your guiding information, to work out if a guy is using you or not.
1. He is unreliable
Over the course of time, you have learned not to count on him for any reason. Maybe he hasn't kept the promises he's made to you, or he has repeatedly left you stranded without notice. Any action that is bereft of love can't be made up with words. So, if he has proven to you that he's untrustworthy, be rest assured that he's using you. He's using your tolerance of him and doesn't seem to see anything wrong in taking you for granted.
2. You don't know anything about his personal life
Basically, the issue of having a working knowledge of your partner shouldn't arise if you're in a serious relationship. How else will you both grow mutually if you're kept in the dark about the important matters that go on in his life? If relating with him feels as though you are the girlfriend of a phantom, there's an indication that you hardly know your partner. When that feeling persists and when you are met with a hard, cold wall each time you try to find out about his life, then, it is certain he is selfishly after you for something, without desiring you for a meaningful connection.
3. He doesn't support you
What can you say about the guy who constantly puts you down each time you excitedly share your dreams and aspirations with him? How about leaving you to sort out yourself whenever you are in a fix, without lending you even an iota of moral support? Are you looking for the appropriate word to describe him? Let me help you out.
He's a user.
With this, you should quit asking, "Is he using me?"
4. He demands the privileges that come with an exclusive relationship but shows no sign of a firm commitment with you
For instance, he often compliments you on your sexual prowess but doesn't hesitate to introduce you as "a friend" to his family members. Maybe, on the days he craves a good company, he insists that you call off every engagement, just to spend time with him. But when you need him to drive you to the airport and he isn't busy, he comes up with one excuse or the other. There's a problem with the relationship when you broach the commitment discussion with him after months as live-in lovers and he simply shrugs it off with something like, "I'm still thinking about it."
5. You have this persistent feeling in your guts that there's something "off" about your relationship
While it is common to have your mind-antennas bobbing uncontrollably in a new relationship - especially if you were in a past destructive relationship - don't be quick to overlook any deep-seated feeling of unease which endures for months unending. It is most likely your intuition is trying to pinpoint your partner's real self beneath the front he's presenting. Sometimes, such feelings can be a result of the comments he makes or the contradictory actions he has been taking. As a matter of fact, it is time to seriously scrutinize his words, and look carefully at certain questionable actions of his.
6. He is narcissistic
Or better still, he has devised an unfailing way of blaming you for everything that goes wrong in the relationship. A user does everything within his powers to make you the guilty one for every misfortune he creates. If he flies off the handle, he attributes it to your misdemeanors which provoked the anger in him. Possibly, each time you request something special, he terms you selfish and indulgent. This guy doesn't believe there could be something wrong with his perception of situations; you are always the little devil that brings nothing but trouble.
7. He is an opportunist
He has programmed himself to leech on you at every golden opportunity that presents itself. His happiness that you've been promoted at your workplace is founded in his desire to take advantage of your new status to milk you dry. He doesn't even mind proposing to you out of the blue, as long as he secures his place in your life to drain you of your resources.
8. He ghosts you
One of the indisputable signs that a guy is using you is by disappearing into thin air for weeks or months with no prior communication with you. It could be this happened following a sexual adventure with him, and the next time you are receiving his call is to request for another steamy sexual experience. Or, he suddenly stops texting you for no reason and doesn't reply to your messages for ages, even though they are flagged "read".
9. He goes public with his desire for other women
The greatest embarrassment is that he flirts with other women in your presence. He even, goes as far as handing them his number while you watch helplessly?
10. He doesn't hang out with you outside your house
It is either that he's not proud of who you are, or he has ugly secrets which you would find out if he takes you out to a public place or his house. Whichever reason it is, never consent to that kind of arrangement.
If you are experiencing two or more of these signs with your relationship, it would be in your best interest to communicate your thoughts and feelings at length with your partner. When it seems that the damage has no way of becoming fixed, we would advise you to leave the relationship. Fast.