Maternity is hard, and being a good parent is even harder. It's a significant obligation, where a child completely depends on its parents. Shitty parents usually don't even get that they neglect their children, which makes the problem even worse. Also, it's not only ignoring that can harm your child, but also all kinds of other actions. There are many obvious signs which can be noticed in children's behavior that can indicate that their parents don't raise them properly. Children are the ones who suffer the most in these toxic relationships because they often end up mentally or emotionally scarred, especially if they have been subjected to that kind of behavior for a long time. If you are reading this article, you are either a concerned mother or a father who wants answers, so keep reading, because you might find exactly what you're looking for. But primarily this is for all the mothers out there who want to be better parents.
8 Visible Signs That You Are a Bad Mother
1. Your child is constantly lying to you
If your child is lying even about the smallest inconvenience, you should start questioning your own behavior, rather than his. Regardless of age, a child is usually lying to their parents if they are scared of consequences. Don't get furious if your child does something wrong. Young children learn through mistakes. If you catch your child lying to you, calmly and tactfully explain to him that it's wrong and that there is no reason to hide the truth. You can even ask him why he has the need to lie. If a child feels that it needs to hide something from you, ask yourself why that is happening. Maybe you are too strict or a bad listener?
2. Your child feels like it's your trophy
This is one of the most obvious signs that you are a bad mother. For example, if you coerce your child to play the piano, read books, and learn three languages at the age of 4 or 5 just so you could brag about his exceptional skills, trust me, that child will grow up hating those things. Moreover, he or she might become rebellious and lazy, or, on the other hand, too obedient. Either one is detrimental. Leave your child to do what it likes, and it will be able to find out what it truly likes. Also, your child's achievements aren't yours anyway. Stop expecting so much from your child and love it no matter what.
3. You undermine your child and make it feel unimportant
A lot of children end up depressed in their teenage years, and their parents can't understand why. They think it's a normal phase in life, or even worse, that it's all an act in order to attract attention. You need to praise your child for everything good that it does and explain to him what it shouldn't do and why. If you insult it, scoff at it, and if it never hears any word of encouragement from you, it might ruin its self-confidence in later life. It will think it's worthless and it might have no ambition in life. Or that child could see through you and recognizes all signs that its parents don't care. Maybe you are resentful because such behavior is a sign that your parents didn't care about you. Either way, think about why you undermine your child's achievements. Is it because of your own insecurities?
4. You yell at your child or even hit it
You have no idea how detrimental this is to a child's mental health, no matter if it's a boy or a girl. It might grow up fearing or hating women or men because you mistreated him. And it's much worse if a father exercises this kind of power. Children will grow up fearing everything and constantly be on alert. Behavior like this can even lead to mental disorders, such as panic attacks or anxiety. There is absolutely no reason to hit a child. It's defenseless, and parents who do this because they think it's good for the child, couldn't be more wrong. It's okay to be a bit harsh when your child is ill-mannered, but physical punishment and violence is never the answer.
5. You punish your child if it does something wrong and never reward it
It's scientifically proven that it's much healthier to reward a child for its good behavior than to punish it if it does something wrong. This is one of the signs that you are a bad mother, and this habit is ubiquitous in the parenting world. Your child will, again, grow up in fear. Try to motivate your child, rather than threatening him. Children are sensitive and they can't be treated with contempt. It can really damage them. If your child constantly feels threatened, it will learn to do things not because it wants to, but because it has to, in order not to face the consequences of punishment.
6. You praise your child too much
This is the other side of the same coin and is as dangerous as neglecting. If your child is never lectured and thinks that everything it does is right, one day it will grow into an egoistic and even narcissistic adult. Children have to learn about the world and the society at an early age, and if they are praised for every single thing they do, they won't know how to behave later in life. Also, they might get in trouble at school, if they disobey the teachers or if they insult someone tougher and stronger than them. Lessons ought to be learned, but don't make your kid learn them the hard way. You have to face the fact that your children are not better or more special than the other ones.
7. You don't spend time with your child
If somebody else is taking after your children while you're working, or even worse, when you're going out and having fun, the child will certainly feel the consequences of an absence of its parent. The child needs both parents who love each other, and it needs their mutual love in order to grow into a fully functional and happy adult. No nanny can replace the care of parents. You need to play with your child, to talk to it, to teach it about the world. Trust me, if you love your child, don't leave it alone. If you are indeed a true busy bee, try to talk to your successors about it, or organize your time more. Try to consult with your partner and try separately to give enough attention to your child. It really needs you close. Some parents think that only earning money and providing for their children is essential. It is not as important as love and care.
8. You don't want to accept your child
Some parents even resent their children when they are not what they expected them to be. For example, if a boy likes playing with dolls, and you are terrified because you fear that there is something wrong with your child. One again, you really need to let your child do what it really likes. You can ask them why he likes playing with dolls and try to introduce him to other kinds of toys. A good mother will love her child no matter what, and if you don't want to accept your child, that is a sign that you are a bad mother.
Summary
Many parents are not bad intentionally. Even if they want the best for their child, they can hurt them or make them feel inferior. If you realize that you do any of these things, think about your behavior. If you really want all the best for your child, you have to feel it. Treat your child like an individual, have a lot of patience and understanding, and accept your child will all of his flaws. I understand you because being a good parent is incredibly hard, but if you really want to improve yourself and be there for your child, just work on it. The whole family will be happier.