Getting a man to open up to you might seem impossible, since men have a tendency to hide the things that bother them, maybe out of fear of seeming weak. As a result, they solve their issues silently.
However, in a relationship, both partners are supposed to make an effort and solve their problems together. For this to happen, it's important for both parties to open up to each other because, after all, you're in this together.
If you're wondering how to get him to open up to you, we have the solution. Here are some communication skills that you can use.
Share Your Thoughts First
Don't expect him to open up first if you're also mysterious and won't show him any bit of emotion. If you want to make him feel comfortable with opening up, maybe you have to be emotional and vulnerable too.
So, if you want him to share his secrets with you, you should tell him some things about your personal life as well. First of all, you need to prove that you are also willing to open up.Bear in mind, though – you have to be honest. Don't pretend to share some fake feelings or secrets, because he could tell that you're lying and you'll make him even more unwilling to share his feelings. Make sure to show your true emotions more often, and you might end up learning how to be his safe place.
Express Your Willingness to Listen
A lot of men are probably insecure and think that if they reveal certain things about themselves, their girlfriends will leave them. You need to make sure you are someone he can trust, someone who will be there for him no matter what.
When a man opens up to you emotionally, make sure to listen carefully, and then use sentences that show your willingness to listen and understand. For instance, if he has difficulty while opening up, say something like "Don't force yourself, take as much time as you need, I'm here to listen."
Moreover, after he says something, you can follow up with words of support and tell him that what he did was not so bad and that he's too harsh on himself. This way, he will be more confident that you're a woman willing to be there for him no matter what, and that you would understand his side all the time.
Be a Safe Place With No Judgement
Don't be there to judge him for his past actions and his emotions. If he finally opens up and becomes vulnerable around you, you should be supportive and show him that his feelings matter. This way, he will feel that it's safe to open up with you. If you end up judging him instead, he will regret opening up and may stop doing it for good.
Try to Understand Him
If your boyfriend is silent, don't be harsh to him. Most likely, the thing that made him upset and resulted in his silence has nothing to do with you. Don't be quick to jump to conclusions– try to understand what caused the issue first. Otherwise, you risk making the situation worse, not only for your boyfriend but for yourself too.
Try to find out why your man is acting the way he is, and don't get angry at him. More importantly, don't punish him for it. Men are usually the problem-solvers. So, depending on what you tell them, they will always try to look for the logical answer and solution to the problem. If you get upset because of that, then they have an even bigger reason not to tell you about things that bother them.
Try to be more understanding instead of getting mad at him for not being more open about his feelings from the beginning. If you're understanding, he will feel safer and more comfortable opening up later on.
Ask Questions
As mentioned previously, just because your man isn't as open about his feelings as you are, it doesn't mean he doesn't feel anything. He may just not know how to express himself, or he may be too scared to show any sign of vulnerability due to past experiences.
Therefore, if your boyfriend has issues with being more open with his feelings, ask him questions. Try asking things such as "Does anything make you upset?" or go for other "Do you feel like…" questions. The key is to kindly ask him these things so that he doesn't feel like he's being criticized for being emotional in the first place.
It may take some time, but it's a sure way to make your man open his heart to you. When he finally answers, make sure to understand his feelings and don't be judgmental. However, only ask questions when he's not speaking. In other words, don't interrupt him.
Live the Excitement With Him
One of the moments when you may see a man emotional is when something good happens to him. For instance, he might have won some additional cash, or he got a promotion at work. If you see him very excited about something like this, get excited with him.
This might make him share the entire situation with you, even if he normally wouldn't. If he can connect with you like this during happy times, he might feel safer to do so during bad ones.
Know When It's the Right Time
Make sure you ask your man questions about how he feels at the right time. For instance, don't bombard him with questions when he's depressed or mad, because he may not be willing to talk at that moment. Wait until he feels better or until he's in a very good mood instead – he might be more willing to talk then.
Know the Differences Between the Sexes
Men and women are different when it comes to opening up to their partners. Unlike women, men tend to solve their issues in more practical ways. Basically, they would rather skip the details and be pragmatic.
Men are often not taught how to share their emotions, which is what prevents them from wearing their hearts on their sleeves. Whereas it's common to see a woman being emotional, a man will not show it, even if he feels sad. This is because men are usually raised to be the strong ones.
If your man doesn't show emotion, it doesn't mean that he doesn't feel anything. It may mean that he doesn't know how to express himself, even if his emotions run deep. So, when a man is grieving, he wants to be told how to get over it as fast as possible. It's important to understand this first, and not force him to open up, especially from the get-go.
Final Thoughts
How to get him to open up to you? Men can be emotional too, and they need a woman that they can trust with their feelings. Make sure to be that woman in their life, as that will make them happy to have such a wonderful partner by their side. Moreover, make sure that you're not being judgmental and harsh on your man for his emotions, or he might never share them with you.