We’ve all experienced it before - we think we’ve finally found a great guy and a relationship that’s going well. Everything is romantic and sweet, and then slowly (or all of a sudden) things change! It can be very upsetting and confusing when you don’t understand why he suddenly ignores you!
The Reasons Why He Ignores You
There could be many reasonable explanations for why you’re being ignored, or it could be a sign of a more serious problem with your relationship. Read the list below and see if you can relate to any of the possible causes for your boyfriend's change of heart.
Reason 1: He’s busy
It really may simply be that he’s busy! This is the reason we all hope for, he might be caught up with work, meetings, deadlines, etc and just doesn’t have the time to check in with you. If your guy normally loves having long or intimate conversations with you, he may not want to give you a quick call - shouting over the sounds of traffic or whispering so his colleagues won’t hear. He may prefer to wait until evening when he can enjoy speaking to you and focus on you without distractions.
What to Do: If you suspect (or hope) that this might be the case, then perhaps send a quick text and ask him if he is very busy and would prefer to talk later.
You will identify if his excuse, 'he's being busy', is genuine, because it shouldn’t happen all the time. He will actually take the time to catch up with you and be fully engaged when you do speak. With your newfound free time, do something that’s just for you. Take up a hobby or start watching a new series that your boyfriend probably wouldn’t be into. Keep yourself happy and busy too!
If he is still distracted and continues to make a poor effort to keep in contact with you, then ignoring you will be for a different reason.
Reason 2: He needs some space
The early stages of a relationship are usually intense with emotion but as amazing as this feels, it simply isn’t sustainable! Imagine your new relationship being one of your favorite meals or activities, at first, you’ll be so excited about it and grateful you get to have/do it every day, but after a while, the initial excitement will fade - that’s not to say you don't love it anymore, it’s still your favorite - it’s just that the intense feelings have subsided.
This is the point when a woman panics. She notices that his eagerness has cooled and he’s no longer raining affection and attention on you. You are now thinking, I thought this guy likes me but now he ignores me and you go into overdrive! You text him more, call him more, trying to show him that you still want the same level of affection, attention, and contact he gave you before. Unconsciously, you start constantly seeking confirmation of his feelings and interest. Ladies, this all comes off as clingy! His automatic response is to withdraw and defend his right to his space and amount of input into the relationship. To be fair this is a completely natural response and doesn't mean your boyfriend’s a jerk! In fact, if it was the other way round, you would react the same way, think about it!
What to Do: The solution to this is time and space. Give him some space to recenter himself and some time to miss you. Distract yourself with your friends (who you’ve probably been ignoring anyway) start a new fitness class at the gym or just use his ignoring you for some ‘me time’ of your own. You will find that he will return to you, just as loving and interested as he was before! If you are disciplined enough to be able to do this successfully - then congratulations, you have saved your relationship! However, if you are not able to resist the urge to look for his attention, and you still demand all the communication, affection and energy you need to feel fulfilled - your relationship is heading towards a rocky road. I wish you the best of luck!
Reason 3: He’s having a hard time
Even though you and your boyfriend are getting along great and your relationship seems perfect, he might start behaving differently towards you. Before you start thinking ‘why is he ignoring me?’, think about what’s going on in his work/school/home life.
If a guy is having a difficult time in any area of his life outside of his relationship, you may find that you notice a change in his behavior towards you. Stress can cause a man to become cold, distant and withdrawn as he tries to deal with the problems in his head.
What to Do: If your man suddenly starts ignoring you, find a good time to ask him about the other things going on in his life. If he is really having a hard time with something specific, he might open up to you or just give an indication that things are not great. If he shares this with you, it’s time for you to step up and be a great girlfriend! Encourage him to talk about what’s bothering him. He may not want your help with his problem, but he’ll certainly appreciate your offer to listen and provide empathy or reassurance.
Reason 4: You’ve moved too fast
In the early stages of a relationship, as much as you might feel that you’re really into your new boyfriend, somewhere in the back of your mind there is always doubt that it’ll work out in the long run. You are both still deciding if the other person is ‘the one’.
Now imagine your other half is planning how the next few months and years of your lives are going to go! You might freak out a little! If the guy has the slightest problem with commitment, a woman doing too much of this will have him running and hiding!
Keep in mind that just because you believe you have found the love of your life, your boyfriend might just see you as his fling for the summer.
What to Do: If he’s showing signs of pretending not to like you because you are getting too close, you should think whether he is the right guy for you at all. When a man really wants to be with a girl he’ll probably laugh at her when she’s thinking of baby names, rather than disappear for a few days. Back off for a while and see if his interest in you improves.
Reason 5: You annoyed him
We all know that generally, guys are not great communicators (yes it’s a stereotype, no it’s not always true, but I’m saying generally!) so if you’ve done or kept doing something to annoy him, he might find it easier to shut down or cut you off, rather than sitting you down and explaining why he’s annoyed with you. He’s probably afraid of dealing with an emotional outburst (some of us girls are criers, some are shouters, some are defensive arguers - we know ourselves) which is likely to be the result of an attempt to communicate. So if your boyfriend is ghosting you, have a think if there is anything you could have done recently to cause him to start ignoring you.
What to Do: Give him some space! After giving him some time you can ask him if there’s something you’ve done to upset him. If he truly cares about you and your relationship, he will let you know what it is that annoys him so that you can work on it and try to avoid the issue in the future.
Reason 6: There’s someone else
This is one of the worst-case scenarios. If you frequently find yourself thinking ‘I thought this guy likes me but now he ignores me’, if he is constantly appearing and disappearing or has patterns in his communication with you - then it’s possible that he is seeing someone else too. Juggling two girls is not as easy as you might think. There’re only so many hours in a day and days in a week. His having to divide them up, will eventually show signs that there’s something fishy going on.
What to Do: Unfortunately, there is no simple answer to this problem. I could just say ‘dump him immediately’ or ‘you deserve a better girl!’ but the reality is; it’s easier said than done. When a woman is deeply in love, ending a relationship abruptly can feel like death! What I would advise is to speak to your boyfriend, see where his head is, was it a one-off or is this who he is? It might be hard to know. I would also recommend some time apart to get some clarity on what and who it is that you both want.
Reason 7: He’s not really attracted to you
This is another possible reason that we really wouldn’t want it! If you’ve spent most of your relationship asking yourself ‘why is he ignoring me?’ It might not be his fault. Love and attraction are about chemistry. The chemistry between you in the beginning, when he first saw you in that dress or with a particular hairstyle might have only lasted for that night. Sometimes a guy might feel hugely attracted to your mystery, but once he gets to know you, the mystery and chemistry evaporate. If he was hot for you in the early days but is now cold towards you all the time, it might be that he’s just not attracted to you anymore.
What to Do: You could always try to spark the chemistry between you again by flirting or trying something new, it might work! If it doesn’t however, we must accept that not everything is built to last. Don’t blame yourself - or him, just keep believing that one day you will meet a guy who might not be perfect, but will be perfect for you!
Summary
We all can feel a little paranoid or insecure at times, but we shouldn’t have to feel that way often. Don’t sit around wondering whether your boyfriend is still into you or not. The reasons explained above should give you some clarity. Speak to him and look for the signs that will let you know what's causing your boyfriend to ignore you. Remember good communication is the key to a good relationship.