"To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow–this is a human offering that can border on miraculous." ‒ Elizabeth Gilbert.
Loving someone and being loved despite knowing each other's faults and weaknesses is really something you can call miraculous. As human beings, we have our strengths, weaknesses, ideas and opinions. It's one thing to want different qualities in our partners and certain things from a relationship, but it's unrealistic to want "perfection" in that relationship. There is no instant connection. You have to put some thoughts and efforts into building a happy relationship in which both partners are satisfied.
Being in a relationship, you make choices and a conscious effort to stay happy. It's one thing to know a list of ingredients that can make a great connection, but if you don't put them to practice, you wouldn't know how to have a happy relationship.
8 Important Choices That Matter
First thing's first: if you are unhappy in a relationship, determine the underlying problems first. It might be a little tricky if you are not communicating openly with your partner. Also, if you are in a seriously bad situation, such as an abusive relationship, violence, or you and your partner don't get along, it's better to end it. No advice or tips are going to fix a broken bond.
On the other hand, if you have seen good times in your relationship and just want to break the monotony, then it's good to get tips about how to be happy in a partnership. Also, if you are going to start a new relationship, some advice will go a long way in building a happy connection. Your choices matter when it comes to happiness in a relationship. Let's see what you and your partner can do to take care of yourselves, each other and have excellent cooperation.
1. Self-care and love
"Know that it is not the other person's job to make you happy. The only person who can do that is you!" ‒ Christi Emmons
The most important thing to stay happy with your life and relationships, in general, is to love yourself first. It's essential to recognize that you can have a balance in life and a healthy union with your partner when you accept yourself for who you are. Only then you can expect from other people to treat you with respect. Take care of your health and your habits. Then take care of your partner as you would take care of yourself. It's one of the basic principles in happy relationships.
2. Get to know your partner first
When you meet someone, you don't become friends immediately. In the same way, it takes time to know the person when you are dating or just started your relationship. And how do you become close and understand each other on a deeper level? One word: communication! If you share a lot of things like values and ideas, it becomes easier to connect and understand each other. Don't expect your partner to "just know" what you like and don't like. Tell them about yourself and your feelings. Ask about their preferences and feelings. The simplest way to put it is:
"Be best friends first." ‒ Wendy Nicholson
3. Be open and honest
If you make open and honest communication, the number one rule in your relationship, you will grow stronger together. If you and your partner aren't very good at talking openly, start by talking about little things like your daily routine. Be a good listener and don't interrupt when your partner is saying something. This attitude will create a relaxed environment where both of you can be open to each other about everything, from small to big. When you are honest with each other, even about things you really don't want to share, it builds trust. Cheryl Floyd says, "Talk about things that leave you vulnerable from the heart." Openness, honesty and trust contribute a great deal in building a happy relationship.
4. Spend quality time together
Some people often wonder how to be happy in a relationship when they aren't spending quality time with their partners. Time is always valuable in a relationship. Spend it in a fun way, doing things you both love. When you laugh or have fun, the same hormones are released in your body when you exercise or have romantic pleasure. Just be a little silly at times, tickle, laugh, have a pillow fight, or even play a game. Go outdoors for a picnic or just a walk. It will help you to get closer to each other and appreciate the beauty of your relationship.
5. Be nice and kind
Krista Tverdak says, "Have compassion and grow together, not apart, as the years go on." Compassion and kindness never let the relationship go stale. It's easy to nitpick little things in your relationship. But have you ever wondered who is going to get hurt if one or both partners just find faults in each other? Gearing towards a more positive approach and attitude is the way to go. Tina B. Tessina, psychotherapist and author of Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences says, "Consider kindness to be the lubricant of your communication, and expressing love to be the fertilizer that makes the relationship bloom."
6. Respect each other's personal space
Although it's good to spend time with each other, it's better if you respect each other's personal space. To appreciate the bond you have with your partner, work on individual goals too. You are not being selfish if you take out time for yourself. Live and grow together, but at the same time, pursue your own interests, goals and career too.
Similarly, if your partner is tired or needs some time alone, let them be. Understanding the boundaries and personal space is very important.
When you treat each other with respect, your relationship grows stronger in every way. You start trusting your partner and get closer to each other when you give each other space. Then you can go through hard times together, being stronger than ever.
7. Value each other and this relationship
When the initial burning passion mellows down, what remains at the bottom is respect, and that's what makes all the difference. Respecting each other is a way of valuing your relationship. Take care of yourself and each other physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Achieve a balance in your relationship that makes both of you happy. Don't take your partner for granted and express your love from time to time. Lao Tzu says, "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."
8. Reflect, talk and work together
Finally, work individually and together to make positive changes in your life. After all, it takes both partners to make the relationship happy and healthy. If you feel that your partnership needs some work, sit down and reflect on it. Write down your feelings and goals for this relationship. Talk to your partner and work together. For example, if you can't spend time with each other because of a hectic schedule, save money and plan a trip together. It will give you both that much-needed break.
Apply a similar approach to an argument or a crisis. Instead of pinning things on one another, write down your thoughts and possible solutions to the problem. Discuss everything in a logical way. It will definitely work better than fighting and yelling at each other.
Work together in hard times and appreciate each other's value in happy moments. That's what it takes to be satisfied in a relationship.
Be Consistent in Practice
As human beings, we are not perfect, but we can try to be kind and considerate towards people we love. Being open and honest is certainly the first step towards building a happy relationship. On top of that, showing love, kindness and respect works best in the long run. You have to be consistent in putting the above tips to practice. After all, Love Is A Flower and you have to constantly take care of it to let it bloom. Sharing this beautiful poem by Suzy Kassem makes perfect sense:
Treat your relationship
As if you are growing
The most beautiful sacred flower.
Keep watering it,
Tend to the roots,
And always make sure
The petals are full of color
And are never curling.
Once you neglect your plant,
It will die,
As will your relationship.