Before you decide upon breaking up, take some time to consider if this is what you truly want. Some things can't be taken back. After this, if you are still sure this is the best option, then let's look at how to proceed.
How to break up with your boyfriend with the least amount of drama is as much a matter of timing and choosing the right place as it is knowing what the best words are. If you're ready for a breakup, you may be angry with your partner. But it's good to step back and try to think about the long term and what you hope to accomplish.
A smooth breakup is usually preferable, as it will help you move on more easily. So, here are some things to consider.
1. Break up in a Proper Place and Setting
The circumstance you choose for breaking up is important. Imagine the awkwardness of breaking up with your partner on a plane, and then you have to sit with them for the whole flight.
Depending on how badly you think your soon-to-be-ex will handle things, you may have a legitimate reason to want to be somewhere in public. That being said, pick a place where you can still talk intimately without being overheard, but at the same time make sure it isn't too noisy for you to be able to talk easily.
2. Communicate and Listen
No matter how hard you try, feelings will get hurt. Your partner may be emotional and have a lot to say. Be patient and listen. You can help them along the initial healing process with a little understanding. It may also serve to calm down their emotions, which is also good for you. After all, you want to leave with as little drama as possible.
The trick is to be empathetic. It's no longer a matter of who is right or wrong. After all, the relationship is ending. So showing empathy to your partner will not make you lose any ground, and it costs you nothing. On the contrary, not being empathetic can cause the breakup to escalate.
3. Be Direct, and Don't Use Ambiguous Words
When you're figuring out how to break up with your boyfriend, remember to stick to your guns. There's a good chance he's not going to want to break up, especially if this is coming as a surprise to them; they may try and talk you out of it. Remember how long you spent thinking things through before you decided to do this. Don't let them draw you into making ambiguous statements that leave an opening for you to get back together.
It may seem cold to lay down the facts with your partner and be inflexible, but it is in both of your best interests. In the long run, to deal with the reality of the situation that it is over is a good thing.
4. Focus on the Relationship, Share the Reason(s), and Don't Blame Anyone
Stay focused on the fact that you want to leave. It doesn't matter why. You have a right to do what you want with your life. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone. With that in mind, there's really no reason anyone has to be blamed for the end of the relationship.
Stick to the high road and explain it is just not right for you. It truly can be no one's fault. Sometimes things just don't work out.
5. Prepare for His Possible Reaction
No one reacts well to being dumped. But some people can react a lot worse than others. Be prepared for anything that might happen. You may need a thick skin if he gets angry and makes accusations. You may need to let them vent to move on.
On the other hand, if you have even the slightest worry they may react violently, break up in public, and make sure you'll not need to interact with them again afterward. That may mean doing things such as moving out of your shared home in advance.
6. Insist on Your Decision
They may try and talk you out of the breakup altogether. Do not let yourself be manipulated. They might try and make you feel guilty or undermine your self-confidence. If they do, use that to your advantage.
Ask yourself if this is the kind of person that even deserves you. Maybe they're just illustrating why you decided to go in the first place. So, whether it is conscious or not, do not let yourself be manipulated by your partner.
7. Don't Contact Him - at Least Not in a Short Time
There is an art regarding how to break up with someone you love. The biggest risk is having your resolve falter. Once you are broken up, you may start feeling lonely and begin reminiscing. Memories tend to idealize the past though and may lead you to believe things were better than they were.
So make sure and try to hold onto an accurate view of why you left in the first place. Things weren't actually that great, or you wouldn't have left. The best defense is to avoid contacting him at all until you've had some time to normalize your new singles life. Remember that you can contact him in the future; you're just waiting until you are completely over him.
8. Set Boundaries Between You and Your Ex-Partner
Even if you are not going to avoid them in the short term, you'll need to set some rules going forward. It is too easy to slip into a familiar routine - one that you had as a couple. This can lead to you sliding back into the relationship.
So set some boundaries with your ex-partner about what you are willing to do going forward. Avoid things that are particularly what a couple might do. The last thing you want to do is to find yourself broken up in name only.
9. Talk to Him in Person
Never, ever break up in a manner that isn't in person. You may be nervous about a confrontation, and that is perfectly natural. But breaking up over the phone or through texts is the worst thing to do. It leaves your partner with no sense of closure and makes the entire thing seem petty and unimportant; this can lead to a lot of unnecessary hostility with your ex.
Instead, steel yourself, and make sure to meet face to face. The sooner you do so, the sooner it will be behind you, and you can move on with your new life.
10. Give Yourself Time to Grieve, and Then Move On
You may be anxious to move on with your new life, but try and be realistic when setting expectations for yourself. You can't expect to move from a committed relationship to being single without some hardship and emotional strain. This is natural, and feeling this way is not a sign of weakness or that you're doing anything wrong.
Allow yourself to grieve for your lost relationship. After all, even if the relationship was in poor shape, at one point it wasn't; that's why you were there in the first place. So there will, obviously, be a sense of loss. If you give yourself time to process, you'll find moving on is easier in the long run.
Nothing Worth Doing Is Easy
There's no denying that breaking up will be hard to do. Feelings are bound to be hurt. Hopefully, though, you can keep your mind on the goal. If you can manage to let your partner go gently, it will keep the pain to a minimum.
It can be particularly hard figuring out how to break up with someone you still love, because you don't want to hurt them. Just remember: you deserve a happy future as well. The sooner you make a clean break, the sooner you can begin healing.