Infidelity is one of the most serious crises a couple can face. This kind of betrayal can cause unimaginable damage to the love and trust you both once shared. Not all relationships can survive. It can feel like the pain of infidelity is a crater that could never be overcome. But this doesn't mean that it's impossible for you to move past it.
If you don't want to end your relationship because of a meaningless affair, both parties need to put in a real effort to revive it. Many would like to know how to overcome infidelity in a relationship. Although there's no definite way to get rid of the possibility of cheating in a relationship, there are ways to move past it when it happens.
The moment you realize that the person you love has been intimate with someone else, you're completely devastated. It can feel like the foundation of your life has crumbled beneath you.
The first thing you will need to do when this happens is to rationalize your feelings. Holding onto facts or the things you know are true at that moment might help you.
Remind yourself that your life isn't over, even though it might feel like it. Your relationship with your partner is still real. Understand that it's a normal reaction to believe that everything you had together is a lie.
It's important that you don't internalize the betrayal. The person that cheated did so for their own reasons. It doesn't mean that you're unlovable or that you don't deserve to have someone be faithful to you.
Don't obsess over the affair. The worst thing you can do is to let the pain consume you. Don't spend your time and effort trying to find out as many details about the infidelity as you possibly can. It will only cause you more pain.
If you've made up your mind to stay with your partner, doing the things mentioned above will drive you crazy. It will be counterproductive and will actually damage any attempts to rebuild your relationship.
The aim is to focus on the resolution you seek. If you want to learn how to get rid of infidelity in a relationship to prevent the incident from happening again, there'll be a lot of work you both will need to be willing to do.
Part of this work is exercising self-control. You might feel the need to take revenge on your partner. Having this intention is like believing you can fix negativity with more negativity. It will not prevent your partner from cheating on you again. In many cases, people who take this route end up in toxic relationships where each person is simply looking for opportunities to hurt the other. You are now sleeping with your enemy!
Instead, let forgiveness fill your heart and mind. Try to communicate with your partner in order to get to the bottom of what caused the betrayal.
There are many reasons which can cause people to cheat: loneliness, lack of sexual attention, insecurity, fear of commitment, and unhappiness. These are just a few of the more common reasons. They might be things that you and your partner have experienced while being together or it could be as a result of things they've been through in the past. Either way, it's important to keep in mind that blaming yourself will not help you do the work necessary for you to move past it.
When you choose to forgive, it helps when you also try to forget. Reminding yourself of the pain of the infidelity or some detail of the affair is like reopening a wound that's trying to heal. It will defeat the purpose of you deciding to stay in the relationship.
Self-control will need to be used when you forgive. Promise yourself that you will not think about it, and that you won't continue to punish yourself or your partner. Free yourself from the memory of the heartbreak and allow yourself to move forward with your life.
When seeking how to get over infidelity, it's always beneficial to try to learn from it. Find out the triggers that might have caused your significant other to stray. This information could help prevent your partner from succumbing to the urge to look outside of your relationship for answers or solace.
Let your partner feel safe to openly and honestly communicate their feelings to you. This means showing them that you can listen just as well as you can speak. Let them know that they can share their thoughts without fear of you shouting, crying, attacking, accusing, or shutting down.
Through this open communication, if you discover that the infidelity happened because of unhappiness, for example, then focus on addressing that issue. Come up with methods of coping with these emotions in healthy and constructive ways.
Being proactive in your healing as individuals and as a couple is the best way to overcome infidelity in a marriage or relationship.
Proactivity can include agreeing to go for counseling. Whether you go alone or together, the point is that sometimes we need a little help in dealing with difficult emotions we've never experienced before. Speaking to an expert with a broader knowledge of the topic can be a great help in these kinds of situations.
Even if you and your partner are committed to getting past the incident, sometimes it can feel that the heartbreak is impossible to heal. You might not have a clue how to go about rebuilding the broken trust.
Hearing someone else tell you that your relationship is not beyond repair might be the encouragement you need to assure you that your love is real and worth working on.
If you are able to go through counseling together or at least make significant efforts at leaving the infidelity in the past, then the last step will be to be brave enough to emotionally reconnect.
This can be a scary part of deciding to stay with someone who has broken your heart. Do you have the courage to trust them with your heart again?
Records have shown that couples that are able to survive infidelity for a period of time can still ultimately fail. If the person that cheated feels they are not able to fully reconnect emotionally with the person they cheated on, the bond between them will not be strong enough to stand the test of time.
Emotional and intimate reconnection is scary because it means making yourself vulnerable again. It means freely showing your love to them and receiving love from them. This can be hard if you're still hurting. Reconnecting emotionally requires trust. If you are unable to rebuild the trust, this reconnection will be almost impossible.
If rebuilding the trust seems unlikely, then you need to know when it's time to leave. Infidelity sometimes makes it clear what the person who cheated truly wants.
Whether they are remorseful or not will speak volumes, even if they don't spell it out for you. If it was a mistake, but they insist that it's you they want to be with, then there's hope for your future together. However, if they show hostility towards you, resentment when you question them, and a lack of interest in making things better, it's obvious that they don't care about the relationship. This is an indication that it's definitely time to leave.
Summary
Knowing how to overcome infidelity is not something that comes instinctively to us. Many people are lost and confused when they learn that they've been betrayed by the person they love most. During these times, it's important not to get carried away by the pain of the heartbreak. By doing so, it's easy to self-destruct and destroy what's left of the relationship.
If you don't want to end the relationship, then know that you'll both need to be willing to do what it takes to make it work. Rational thinking, self-control, forgiveness, courage, and trust are the keys to overcoming betrayal. If done properly, you might even find that your relationship is better and stronger than it was before.