Imagine you and your partner have been broken up for a few months now, and you feel like you're finally starting to get over your ex. Feeling hungry and tired after work, you decide to treat yourself to dinner at your favorite restaurant. Then catastrophe strikes, and you suddenly see your ex with someone else.
No matter how ready you think you are, this can be emotionally devastating to experience. While these feelings are natural, here are some things that might help you to get through this trying time in your life and help you move on.
Things You Should Remember
You two have separated for reasons that are not solvable.
Your first instinct may be to want your ex back. That's natural enough. That was your boyfriend or girlfriend, after all. Someone else laying claim to them may make you bristle. Take a moment and forget about the new person, though, and remember why you and your ex aren't together anymore.
None of those issues would be fixed if you were back together. It's in your own best interest to let those vestiges of possessiveness go. Ask yourself if you even really want them back.
There is no need to compare that new him/her with you.
All people are different, and all people want different things. Perhaps your ex has found someone better for them. Just remember that they are not better than you, but just better for them. You are your own person and have your own unique qualities you offer in a relationship. Your ex is your ex because they just don't fit well with you. Keep in mind that there are plenty of people out there who will want what you have to offer; it's time to focus on meeting them.
It's not a race, and there are no winners.
Does it feel like your ex has moved on without you? Being in a relationship means sharing a close bond with another person. When that bond is severed, healing takes time. How much time depends on the individual. It is not a race, however, and everyone processes things at their own pace. If your ex seems to be ahead of you because they appear to have moved on, don't let it bother you.
Firstly, this does not mean getting over you was any easier. More importantly, allow yourself to move on at your own pace. It's not a contest; there's no prize for being fast.
You should focus on yourself.
The best thing you can do for yourself is make yourself your own priority. Watching your ex with another person cannot possibly make you happy. So remind yourself you deserve happiness too, and focus your attention elsewhere. Besides, there is someone out there for you as well. You'll need to move on to be available to meet them.
The new person is not to blame.
It can be confusing figuring out how to act when you see your ex with someone else for the first time. One thing you should keep in mind is that the new person is not to blame. At some point, your ex will move on. When they do, they'll want to meet new people – just as you will. That new person in their life can hardly be held to blame for what occurred in the past.
What to Do About Your Feelings
Don't look for excuses to keep contacting your ex.
In an age where we all carry phones and can send instant texts to anyone, this is a hard rule to follow. You'll need to be strong and avoid finding excuses to contact your ex.
Keeping your ex in your thoughts and trying to include them in your day in some way can only serve to slow the speed you get over them. Try and cut them off as completely and quickly as possible so healing can begin.
Try not to hang out where your ex does.
It's harder to avoid seeing your ex with someone else if you keep frequenting the same spots. However, it's hardly fair for you to cut yourself off from your favorite places either.
Maybe there are shared spots that don't mean so much now that your ex is out of the picture. Perhaps try and avoid that nostalgia, and instead visit some new, exciting places you've been wanting to go.
Keep your own life.
The period after a break up is an excellent time to take stock of your life. At times, you can get so involved with another person that it becomes difficult to tell where your life stops and theirs begins. So take some time to reacquaint you with yourself.
Remember what you like and dislike without some other person's influence in your life. Use this time as a chance for personal growth, and you'll know what you want better next time you think of entering a relationship.
Don't ruin your friendships with mutual friends.
If you've been in a relationship for any reasonable length of time, you are bound to have mutual friends. Be very careful to not damage those relations. Going through a break up is difficult, and you and your ex will likely disagree on what caused it.
Try to remember your friends are in the middle and care about you both. So be careful to avoid putting them in situations where they feel they have to pick sides. It may feel like a betrayal to your ex if they feel they need to side with you.
Try things you could never do before.
Take a moment to change your perspective. You may be alone, but it also means you have no one to answer to regarding your schedule or what you do. Take advantage of that, and explore things you've always wanted to do. This can be an opportunity to scratch some things off your bucket list and help you grow as an individual.
Get back out into the dating world.
If you're trying to figure out how to deal with your ex moving on with someone else, perhaps the best answer is to join them. Instead of begrudging someone their happiness, it is better to give yourself permission to have your own. Think of your last relationship as a learning experience, and you'll be better prepared to find your next partner.
Don't compare a new person to your ex.
Once you do begin to move on, avoid the trap of comparing your new potential partner to your ex. You may initially crave things similar to what you were used to, and this is natural enough. But remind yourself why that didn't work out last time, and avoid falling into this rut. Give that new person a real chance to show you what unique things they bring to a relationship as well.
Let Your Ex Go
Moving on is always easier said than done. However, if seeing your ex with someone else still bothers you, it may be time to start letting them go. Besides, breaking up doesn't necessarily mean the end of everything. Perhaps when you've moved on and you're ready, you'll still be able to be friends.
Just remember that you deserve happiness; moving on from your ex is a necessary step to get there.