A breakup can cause tremendous pain. It doesn't matter how many times you broke things off with someone before or how many times you were dumped in the past. It just feels excruciating when it happens. You can't shake the "I miss my ex so much" feeling regardless of the moment of the day.
So, what should you do? Our suggestion is to first ask yourself if you really miss your ex or the idea of him or her. Next, depending on your answer, you can choose to take a few steps towards healing or learn how to get him or her back.
What Do You Really Miss?
When you're hurt, it's easy to fail at distinguishing whether you miss the presence of someone by your side or your ex in particular. You two didn't break things off for no reason. Was it a simple misunderstanding or was it a trust, compatibility, or communication issue? If you two were clearly not getting along or had major differences regarding important principles, then it's probably the idea of him or her that you're missing.
"I miss my ex so much" could also mean that all of a sudden you were left without companionship. Sure, you have your friends and family close, but that's not enough right now. You used to share even the less meaningful experiences with this person, so now that he or she is no longer with you, you feel lonely and abandoned. Do you miss not being alone or being with him or her?
As soon as you reach a conclusion, you can continue by either taking the needed steps to move on or try to get your ex back.
Have Another Try
1. Take an objective stance
Think about the reasons why you two broke up. Was it a silly misunderstanding or was it something more serious? Have any of you cheated on each other or was there verbal or physical abuse involved? The latter are considered deal-breakers and hard to recover from. If that's your case, it's probably better for you to move on.
In case there was a communication problem or a difference in opinion, you could sort things out if you both wanted to.
2.Cut off contact
You probably think, "If I miss my ex, why not talk to him or her?" Well, psychology works in mysterious ways. When you are the one who wants to get back together, what you must do without your beloved knowing is to make him or her miss you. Cutting off all means of contact works. He or she will no longer be able to stalk you online, see what you're up to, or look at your photos.
Resist picking up the phone or answering texts even if that's what you want to do the most. When you do choose to reply, you have to be ready. Specialists advise you to do this for one month.
3. Work on yourself
An improved version of yourself is useful when you want to win your ex back. First of all, you'll feel better in your own skin. Second, your regained confidence will be impressive to your ex-partner. For example, you could work on your appearance, go to the gym, and maybe jog. Don't underestimate the power physical movement has on your body. Or, you could volunteer, attend a class that interests you, and so on.
4. Act like you don't need him or her
Even if what you want the most is to throw yourself in his or her arms, don't do it. Don't act desperate in any way. Don't let your feelings control you. Getting back together is possible if you take some time for yourself to process everything that has happened and do it right this time.
In case you accidentally run into him or her, try and keep things short. Keep your emotions in check and have a polite conversation before you go. You'll have plenty of time to spend together when you reconnect.
5. Start slow when you're ready
Psychologists advise you to heal the wounds caused by the breakup before you try to get back together. The main idea is that you can't continue things from where you left off. Instead, it's about realizing that you truly want to be together and work on a future together. It's about a fresh start with new rules and wishes.
In other words, don't settle with just getting him or her back. Focus on improving your connection and relationship. So, go on dates while keeping yourself busy. Don't make everything about him or her again.
6. Build on the good and forgive the bad
After all communication channels with your ex are open again, make sure to remind him or her of the good times you've had together. Bringing back pleasant memories has a positive effect on people. They regain hope and imagine how things can develop.
It goes without saying that you must forgive what was done to you and ask for forgiveness if you did something wrong. Otherwise, you'd become frustrated and blurt it out the next chance you get.
Move On With Your Life
1. Follow the no contact rule
Although it might sound confusing, when you decide you want to move on with your life you must proceed in the same way as when you want to get back together. When you miss your ex, it's not recommended to keep checking up on him or her on social media or anywhere else. By doing this, you don't keep your mind occupied with useless actions such as calling non-stop or stalking online.
2. Don't isolate
Taking time for yourself to mourn and accept the breakup is a necessity. However, resist the urge to isolate from the rest of the world. Having lunch with your family is a good distraction from your private life. You'll be surrounded by people dear to you that only want what's best for you. The same goes for your friends. They can cheer you up, entertain you, take you on adventures, and listen to you.
3. Reconfigure your priorities
When you catch yourself thinking "I miss my ex so much," ask yourself if you gave up anything you liked doing just to spend more time with him or her. Also, think about all the compromises you have made. Maybe you didn't work overtime to get a promotion, but you could do it now. Or, perhaps you dropped out of that painting class that you liked so much. You are now free to do what you like without having to talk it through with another person.
4. Find a new passion
It's hard to think about anything else when you miss your ex. Hours and days could go by without you doing anything but replaying good and bad memories in your head. While it's normal to do this for a while, it's not healthy to keep doing it. Instead, you could try to find something new that arouses your interest. Start with music for example. According to studies done by researchers at Durham University in the UK, listening to sad songs immediately after a breakup speeds up the healing process of a broken heart.
Other studies have shown that writing about traumatic experiences has therapeutic effects on the writer. This is because it helps you perceive everything as a story with a beginning, an end, and something to learn from it.
5. Don't keep reminders too close
Regardless of how well you're doing at keeping your mind busy, if you arrive home and see reminders of your past relationship all around you, you'll fall back into missing him or her. Put everything away in a box and store it somewhere out of reach. You don't want to completely erase your ex from your life, but some time away from memories is welcome.
6. Meet new people
This advice is hated by most people who are in the process of recovering after a breakup. You might have lost faith in people or think your ex was perfect for you, but somehow things didn't work out. Still, we urge you to try. People are resourceful and may surprise you in a pleasant way when you least expect it.
Summary
As you can see, there are solutions for both options. They require lots of work and confidence from your side, but you can definitely succeed. As soon as you make up your mind to give it another chance or to get over it, you can apply the suggested steps and enjoy the results.