Do you lie awake at night wondering if your relationship is over? Are your love and happiness starting to fade away?
Let's face it, not all relationships last, and not all people know how to tell if a relationship is not working. Most of us are happy in the beginning, but there are many stages to relationships. Usually, they flow naturally, but many have problems as they progress. Some problems are simple and can be handled easily with your partner, while others are so major that they could ruin your whole relationship.
If you find yourself wondering if your relationship is headed for the end, here are some warning signs that your relationship is in trouble.
9 Warning Signs That Your Relationship May Be Over
Growing up, no one takes a class called "Relationships 101." In other words, we are never formally taught how to have healthy relationships, and this includes how to recognize the signs that a relationship is heading for disaster.
Here is how to tell if a relationship is not working:
1. Constant fighting
Conflict is natural and inevitable in almost all relationships, but there is healthy and unhealthy fighting. Understanding the difference is how to tell if a relationship is not working.
Healthy fighting is when both people can talk calmly and rationally about the problems. There is no blaming or name-calling. However, unhealthy fighting happens when emotions run high, there is a lot of anger and resentment, and you don't feel like you ever resolve anything.
Some fighting can even turn abusive. You don't have to be physically hurt to be in an abusive relationship. Verbal and emotional abuse often occurs in unhealthy fighting.
2. Lack of intimacy
Intimacy comes in different forms. Of course, you probably think about physical intimacy when you hear that word. And that is a very important part of a romantic relationship. If physical intimacy is lacking, then the bond between the two of you will suffer as well. Physical intimacy produces bonding hormones in your brain, so the lack of it will cause you to drift apart.
Physical intimacy is closely tied to emotional intimacy in a romantic relationship. Aside from what was mentioned above about the bonding hormones, lack of emotional intimacy can result in ineffective communication. In addition, one or both of you may be unwilling to compromise, it is definitely one of the signs that a relationship isn't working.
3. Lack of trust
Trust is the foundation of all relationships. If there's no trust in a relationship, it's like trying to build a house on quicksand – it won't work.
If you and/or your partner is suspicious of the other, you may be spying on their social media, text messages, or web browsing. You might even be asking a million questions about their integrity and all of their actions. Even if the trust is broken, there needs to be an effort to rebuild it. Without that, the relationship is probably over.
4. No talk of the future
It doesn't matter how long it's been, maybe you've been together for quite a while - months or years. But if there is no talk of where the relationship is heading, then that's one of the major signs that a relationship isn't working.
Avoid future talk or trying to escape the conversation every time one of you mentions the topic. It means your relationship is definitely in trouble. It means one or both of you doesn't see it lasting much longer.
5. Don't have fun anymore
The beginning of relationships is usually easy and fun. It's natural to want to be together and explore each other by doing fun things. You talk, you laugh, you want to be together and doing things as a pair is much more fun.
But if you are in a rut where you hardly talk, use your phone to avoid connecting, or countless other things, then you have a problem. Both people should be putting effort into keeping the relationship fun and happy.
6. Comparison between you and an ex
Comparing yourself to an ex is never a good idea. Whether you are comparing yourself to your partner's ex, or you're comparing your partner to YOUR ex, it's just not healthy.
Everyone is different and unique. You might be dissatisfied with your partner's habits (or your own), but you shouldn't draw comparisons. Whenever you do that, it inevitably invites negativity. Negativity is like cancer that spreads through your relationship. Comparing exes isn't the only way to get your relationship into a downward spiral, but it certainly doesn't help.
7. Extremely desire to change your partner (or they want to change you)
It seems to be a common theme – the desire to change your partner. And it makes sense. You want to be happy in your relationship, but if you're not, you blame it on your partner's behavior.
However, if you feel like you cannot be happy unless they change, then your relationship is probably over. And if they are trying to change you, then it's over. No one can change anyone else. The only person you can change is yourself. So, if you're not compatible, perhaps it's time to find someone else with whom you are.
8. Selfish, no compromise
While being selfish is a survival mechanism, it does not serve relationships very well. Being selfish made sense in the caveman days, but not now. Both people need to learn to be sensitive and empathetic to their partner's needs.
You both need to put each other's needs and desires at least equal to, if not before, your own. If that doesn't happen, then either no one is giving, or perhaps just one person is giving and the other is taking. This doesn't work long term. Both people need to give and be appreciative of the other.
9. No empathy
Empathy and selfishness are opposites. And empathy is different from sympathy. Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone, but not necessarily relating to it.
Empathy is being able to see another person's point of view showing that you care about it. Even if you don't agree or understand it, you still need to show your partner that you love them and value their perspective. Without this, your relationship cannot survive.
Final Thoughts
If you have always found yourself wondering, "how do you know when a relationship is not working," you now have your answers.
Reaching the end of a relationship isn't always a bad thing, even if it seems like it is. If you're not happy, chances are that your partner is not happy either. If you stay in an unhealthy relationship, you are not going to grow as a person. Plus, the longer you stay, the more you will just waste each other's time and energy.
Breaking up is never easy, but if you find many signs such as the ones above, it's better to move on and find someone else that you can be happy with. In the long run, it will definitely be worth it.