Anger is an issue that ruins relationships, hurts people's feelings, and may lead to regrettable actions. Since you are reading this, you might have been saying to yourself, "My husband is always angry", and you want to know what you can do about his behavior.
Aside from affecting your mood and feelings of security, your husband's anger has negative effects on both his mental and physical health. So, doing something about it can turn out to be beneficial for both of you.
When you notice that your partner is no longer in control of his emotions, it is time to offer him help and manage some of your own reactions, as well.
An Attempt at Managing Your Husband's Anger
Your husband's anger is disrupting your relationship. It harms him, and you also suffer the consequences. What you can do in this situation is first try and control the way you react and then figure out how to help him.
As follows, we will discuss a few very effective steps that you can take in this regard.
1. Don't reply to anger with anger
An angry husband doesn't need an angry wife to amplify his feelings. His anger and the way you manage it is our focus here. So, although he might make you feel angry as well, the best way to react is to stay calm.
Think about the fact that you can only make the situation worse by intensifying his negative reactions and attitude. By not responding with anger yourself, you give him time to cool off. In addition, it helps a lot with the way you feel during his angry moments.
2. Focus on calming him down
Anger clouds our judgment. Therefore, you will not get anything good out of trying to discuss what made him angry or how you feel about the situation.
First, he needs to calm down, and you can help him do so by speaking calmly. Keep the tone of your voice low and warm. Show him you are on his side.
3. Apologize
When you are the cause of his distress, the easiest and most effective thing you can do is apologize to your husband. The way you apologize is also important. Try to keep it simple and don't discuss your reasons further.
Tell him that you are sorry and that you understand what made him angry. If necessary, you can reopen the subject another time when you are both calm and willing to sort it out.
4. Help your husband identify or speak about his problems
An always angry husband could be the result of multiple problems. His mental state could be full of negativity, which makes him burst out. Where is it coming from, though?
Among the most probable reasons are the stress at work, impossibility to deal with financial issues, recent issues or changes that occurred in the work environment, childhood trauma that reflects on his adult life, hormonal imbalances, the presence of cortisol (the stress hormone) in high doses, lack of sleep, improper eating habits, and so on.
As you can see, the reasons can be both emotional and physical or a combination of the two.
5. Communication is key to any problem
It cannot be stressed enough that any attempt to communicate during angry moments is useless. You can, at most, try to calm him down, but not actually talk about what made him angry. When he is calm again, you can address the situation.
"My husband is always angry" is not an excuse to push him away and curl somewhere far away from him. Make sure to create a safe place for him to open up after his feelings of anger pass. Explain to him that you are there for him, and express your willingness to listen to him and understand him as much as is humanly possible.
In case the problem is you, ensure him that you didn't do it on purpose, and that you are sorry and totally accept the blame for what you did. However, you'd appreciate it if he keeps calm and talks about what happened next time.
6. Cultivate compassion in your relationship
In order to understand your husband better, you must know that his behavior is actually defensive. He could protect himself by acting abusive, which is no excuse. We are just trying to understand why he does what he does.
A husband's role may extend to the role of protector, provider, parent, and ultimately, lover. Is he failing at any of these roles? Or, has one of his loved ones gotten ill lately?
There are so many possible reasons for your husband's anger, so you must listen and act compassionately. Show him you are not his enemy. On the contrary, you are there for him, and you are ready to do whatever it takes for him to recover.
7. Disrespect is not welcome and boundaries must be set
An always angry husband deserves to be understood just as much as you deserve respect. In case your partner crosses the line and disrespects you, taking all his anger out on you, you must put an end to this.
When he is calm and open to discussion, use that time to set boundaries. Try to be firm, but also explain to him that he is not the man you married anymore, and he doesn't treat you with respect.
8. Don't fight over unimportant matters
Since you are dealing with a partner who is having a hard time controlling his nerves, it is advisable to pick your fights well. Try not to argue over unimportant matters just for the sake of being right.
Let go of the subject if it is not something you care about very much. In this way, you avoid getting him angry, but not in the 'walking on eggshells' kind of way. Think of it as prioritizing.
9. Suggest that you both see a counselor
Men respond differently to the idea of seeing a counselor than do women. That's why he might not want to hear about it. However, psychologists say that if you propose a couple's counseling, the rate of success increases.
It goes without saying that a counselor can address both of your issues in a professional manner and guide you towards success.
10. Consider leaving him if things get worse
There are many kinds of abuse. Verbal and physical are two of them. If verbal abuse hurts your feelings and leaves you scarred on the inside, physical abuse can leave you impaired for life. No one on this planet deserves to be beaten.
So, if you can't manage your husband's anger and he is not interested in keeping it under control, please leave. Gather all the strength you still have and go to a safe place where you can live without fear or in a toxic environment.
Regardless of how hard it is for you right now, you must leave!
Anger Must Be Kept Under Control
Do your part and stay calm when your husband gets angry. Try to apply all the solutions you've read about. However, if he doesn't respond to any of them, not even respecting your boundaries, accept that it's time to take better care of yourself.