Even the best relationships aren't always smooth sailing. There will be times when there seems to be a major conflict between you and your partner. You'll find that you are arguing about almost everything. Does this mean that your relationship is over?
Perhaps your partner did something to hurt you, and you are not sure if you should break up with him or forgive him and work it out.
These kinds of decisions can feel like the hardest to make. The person you are with can determine the course of your life, so it's not something to take lightly. Before making up your mind, know the signs that might mean he is definitely not the one.
10 Signs You Should Break up With Your Boyfriend
Your partner might have betrayed you or perhaps you feel that you have grown apart. Either way, you are not sure what the right thing for you to do is. If you stay with him, you could be hurt again. But if you leave him, you might regret it for the rest of your life.
Here are 10 signs that your relationship is not heading in the right direction. They can help you decide whether a break up is the right decision to make.
1. Identify whether the problem between you is solvable
If neither communication nor compromise works, then it may be time to leave. Some common issues in relationships have simple solutions if both parties are willing to do the work. For example, if you're feeling unappreciated and neglected by your boyfriend, the solution to this is for him to try to understand how you feel.
He needs to make the effort to show you how much he does appreciate you and perhaps make plans to spend quality time together. If you try to communicate about these issues and you are unable to come to an understanding or compromise, it's not a good sign for your relationship's resilience long term.
2. The relationship is having a negative effect on you
The answer to the question "Should I break up with my boyfriend?" is quite straight forward if your relationship is bringing out the worst in you.
If being in the relationship is making you jealous, easily angered, or depressed, then this type of relationship is not sustainable anyway. A good healthy relationship is one that makes you happy for the most part and makes you want to be a better person.
3. Your partner doesn't meet your needs in the relationship
If there are specific things you need from your relationship that your partner cannot give you or refuses to give you, you will not find happiness in the future. If your absolute favorite thing to do is go to concerts and your boyfriend gives you every excuse not to go with you, it's an indication that he might not be the one for you. When someone truly cares for you, they will do things just to see you happy, even if they hate it themselves.
Relationships are about sacrifice and compromise. If he's not willing to do something easy or fun for you, it's unlikely he will be able or willing to do the necessary (and sometimes hard) work to keep the relationship alive as time goes on.
4. You spend most of your time in the relationship bored and alone
One of the major factors that can make someone deeply unhappy is being in a relationship, yet feeling alone. If you're finding that you spend most of your time alone while your partner is busy working or worse, out socializing with his friends, it might be time to start thinking How do I break up with my boyfriend? rather than Should I break up with my boyfriend?
Although your partner is not obligated to spend all of his free time with you, he should be willing to spend some of it with you, especially if you're letting him know how much you want to spend time together.
If you and your partner don't have the same hobbies or enjoy different activities, you'll end up living separate lives and will probably grow apart as the years go by.
5. Your friends and family don't like him
For some unknown reason, your friends don't like him, and your family can't stand him. It's important that you ask your friends and family to try to tell you why they feel this way. We all know that love (and infatuation) is blind, so it's highly likely that they are able to see something in him that you can't.
You can try speaking to him about making more of an effort to make a good impression on your family. You can also try to speak to your friends about being open-minded.
However, if this doesn't improve the relations between everyone, then maybe you have to accept that the people that know you and love you the most can see that he's simply not the right guy for you.
6. Frequent fights about the future
It's normal to ask yourself Should I break up with my boyfriend? after every fight you have. Sometimes, it might be valid to ask yourself this question, and it may be an extreme response.
However, if the topic you are most often disagreeing on includes your plans for the future, this is a serious red flag. It can be a difficult conversation to have and can be scary to realize that the man you love doesn't want the same things out of life that you do.
But the fact is, if you don't share the same dreams, then you will either make each other unhappy and resentful or you'll grow apart in your attempt to follow your own paths.
Something significant like whether you have children or not, or one of you hopes to eventually move to California are plans for the future that have to be the same or compromisable. If you can't seem to come to an agreement on how you want your future to be, you might not be able to make it as a couple.
7. You'd rather hang out with your friends than your boyfriend
You have a holiday coming up and are thinking about how you want to spend it. Would you rather go on a romantic date with your boyfriend or hang out with your friends? If you choose your friends every time, when you're with them next, it would be a good idea for you to ask their opinion on how to break up with your boyfriend.
Being with someone that you don't actually enjoy spending time with is a waste of your life. You could both be with someone that you're excited to be with and can't bear to be apart from.
8. You dread being intimate
Being intimate with your partner is supposed to be one of the best parts of being in a committed relationship. It's supposed to come naturally and feel good. A couple that is not having sex is in dangerous territory.
A lack of physical connection erodes the bond between you and leaves both people in the relationship vulnerable to cheating. If you are struggling to allow him to be close to you or you dread the times he initiates sex, then it's a sign that the relationship is no longer working for you.
9. Compatibility conflicts
Arguments in your relationship can just be a symptom of a serious problem. There are two types of conflicts in relationships. One is quite normal and can actually make things more interesting, while the other is detrimental and almost impossible to ignore.
The first is the conflict of preference. This means that you like different things. You can't agree on what TV show to watch, you hate sports, or he hates fashion, for example. These types of conflict can be annoying or disappointing, but it can also mean that you get the opportunity to have interests of your own, and you're not too dependent on your partner for entertainment or company.
The second, conflicts of values, is much more significant. If these conflicts are about major life choices, it can mean that the reality is that you and your boyfriend are simply incompatible. If, at the core level, two people are too different, it's almost impossible for the relationship to survive the test of time.
10. You fantasize about being with someone else
This is really a no-brainer. If you are fantasizing about being with someone other than your boyfriend, then your relationship is more than in trouble; your brain has accepted the truth that you wish you weren't with your boyfriend.
What we envision can become our reality. You might not end up with the guy you're fantasizing about, but the fact that you're thinking about it means that you are open to the idea of being with someone else. Bear in mind that we're only talking about boyfriends here and not husbands.
If you're thinking about being with someone else while you're not even legally tied to them, then you should consider yourself lucky that you have the opportunity to leave without too much drama. It's better to end a relationship that you can see is going nowhere than to drag it on for longer than necessary or before it becomes too painful or difficult to leave.
Summary
All relationships are different, and only you will know what's the right decision for you. If you can identify with only a few of the signs described here, it's possible that with some open communication and some fair compromise, your relationship might be worth working on.
If, however, you can identify with many of the signs here, then it might be time for you to accept that your relationship and personal happiness cannot survive if you continue being with this person.
It might be difficult in the beginning, but you will be proud of yourself for having the strength to walk away and wait for a relationship that is right for you.