You're in love with an amazing man, your Mr. Right. He has the same feelings for you, but he has confessed to having a fear of commitment (or his behavior indicates that). What should you do?
Do you immediately end things with him before you get hurt or do you try to comfort and reassure your beloved that committed relationships make life better? If you're able to understand the reasons why men are afraid of commitment, you might be able to better support him and get him to realize that there is nothing to fear.
Why are men scared of commitment? Here are 11 reasons why they may want to run away from a real relationship.
Lost Freedom
You can't blame someone for being afraid to give up their freedom. We all know that there's a part of being single that's like a never-ending party. Carefree fun, staying out to all hours of the morning with no one to answer to. Peace and solitude when you want it and social butterflying when you feel like it. This lifestyle doesn't seem easy to walk away from.
Being in a committed relationship kind of takes this liberty away. A guy will often have to consider what his girlfriend wants and likes.
The truth is, when you're actually in a loving relationship, this sacrifice feels more like a privilege than a burden. But guys should bear in mind that once they are in love, the main person they'll want to have fun and enjoy peace with is their partner. When their partner is around, they'll feel lucky that they have someone to look forward to spending time with.
Fear of Being Controlled
I'm sure you've seen or heard of women who are a little too keen to keep their boyfriend healthy? "You can't have another glass of wine Jim, it's not good for you" or "You've got to quit smoking John, it's going to kill you!"
Girls believe they're acting like loving wives but in reality, they're just coming off controlling. However, even if it might seem totally horrible from the outside, some guys do admit that it feels good to know they have someone who cares for them.
Change of Status
Most men are not excited to grow old and turn into their dads. Once they're past their teenage years, they want to enjoy their youth and new freedoms. Some guys might believe that being in a committed relationship means they have to give up their young man status and accept that they are in the older man category.
Obviously, being in a committed relationship does not mean you have to retire from your young status, but it is a fact that adult relationships require a level of maturity that it takes men longer to reach than women.
Lack of Privacy
Privacy and the right to keep your secrets to yourself are another reason why guys are afraid of commitment. They understand that sharing their life with a woman means letting them into the darkest or most secretive parts of themselves. Any skeletons that they have hidden in their closets are bound to be revealed and they might not be comfortable with that.
This is why it's important that guys choose to date girls that understand and accept them for who they are and what has happened in their past. This way they'll even appreciate having that one special person they can share their secrets with.
It's an Excuse
Sorry to say this, girls, but I do need to include this point.
Some guys use "fear of commitment" as an excuse not to agree to get serious with a girl. In the words of a man who wrote a book that ended up being made into a movie; "He's Just Not That Into You!" For whatever reason, a guy can simply not see a particular girl as someone he would want to be in a relationship with.
If this is the case, you just have to accept it and move on.
Fear of Pressure
For guys (and girls too) there's some pressure that goes along with being in a committed relationship. The one that springs to mind is the pressure of being someone else's emotional counterpart. If they're sad, you're obligated to try to cheer them up. If they're stressed out, it's your job to make them feel relaxed. Sometimes it's hard enough to deal with our own emotional responses to things.
Having to help another person with their emotional turmoil is an additional pressure. However, when we love someone, it's a pressure that isn't really noticed unless things are unusually difficult for the other person at that time too. However, don't let him forget that the benefit to this is having someone to help him with his emotional struggles too.
Fear of Being Exclusive to One Girl
When considering why guys are afraid of commitment, this point is probably the most valid. The fear of being exclusive to one girl makes sense, because this the main part of being in a committed relationship. Only guys who are sure they are ready to give up dating or flirting with other girls should even consider being in a real relationship.
If your guy tells you that he's not sure about being able to do this, it's best that you accept that he's not ready for commitment.
Peer Pressure
Guys are deeply influenced by the other guys that they hang out with. If none of your boyfriend's friends are in a committed relationship, you can be certain that he'll be reluctant to get into one himself. The way guys like to tease each other will ensure that your beloved will be the butt of many jokes because he was the one who got 'locked down' by a girl first.
Being with your friends is fun and all but a smart guy wouldn't lose the lady he loves just so that he can be one of the boys, would he?
Pop Culture Influences
Popular culture has a lot to do with why men are scared of commitment. Male celebrities sometimes seem to be glamorizing bachelor lifestyles. Music videos are filled with half-naked girls, pool parties, night clubs, and different girls in every scene. Similarly to peer pressure, pop culture can influence men to think that they are supposed to stay single.
It's a good thing that there are many celebrities that also show that it's cool to be in loving relationships too. Maybe keep only those singers on the playlists you and your sweetheart listen to!
Bad Experiences
Another valid reason the man you love might be afraid of commitment is if he had a bad experience of relationships in the past. It could be a negative example of a relationship he saw his parents in or it could be something he experienced personally. Maybe he and his ex argued a lot, maybe their sex life went from hot to nonexistent or a thousand other things that could have put him off the thought of being tied down again. Either way, it's justifiable that he has developed a fear of commitment.
In this case, he only needs to be patiently reminded that he's in control of his destiny and that he has the power to decide what kind of relationship he wants to stay in.
Summary
It's hard when the man you love is scared to fully commit to you. But once you are able to understand why he might be afraid, it can help you be more compassionate towards him rather than feeling hurt or rejected. Try to identify what scares your beloved and hopefully you can work through it and overcome it together.