All relationships require a certain amount of openness and disclosure. But in a romantic relationship, how do you decide when you say something before he does? Should you tell a man how you feel? Every woman has agonized over these questions.
It's risky, being open about your feelings. You're afraid to "put yourself out there", especially if you've been hurt before. You don't want to expose your innermost thoughts and feelings. You want to protect yourself from further hurt or from looking stupid. Or maybe he's shy and you're afraid he may think you don't care if you don't tell him first.
So what should you do? Are there any websites or articles offering relevant opinions? Is there any research about this? What do men REALLY want to hear when you express your feelings?
Revealing how you feel is a good thing.
He needs to know you think about him… a LOT. A fella won't recognize your dreamy-eyed gaze to mean you like him unless you tell him!
Remember the book Men Are From Mars: Women Are From Venus? There's an inherent, DNA-based difference in how men and women respond to that sexual "pull". Since men are more matter-of-fact and straight-forward than us women, they LIKE being told things that make them feel good. Don't expect them to figure it out on their own, and don't be disappointed in them if they don't. Ask another guy "Should I tell him how I feel?" and he'll likely laugh and say, "of course!"
Many men like a woman who takes initiative. Telling him how you feel shows you're bold, sure of yourself, and ready to take action.
Men (and women, for that matter) don't like it when you play games with their heads. Holding back how you feel might be construed as game-playing. So he'll appreciate your honesty when you're clear about your feelings and you tell him.
Telling him how you feel about him can also gauge how he feels about you.
How he reacts when you tell him will be a real revelation about how he views the relationship himself. It may save you weeks of not knowing, insecurity, and heartache. If he doesn't feel the same way as you, you'll likely know right away by his look, his body language, and by what he says next.
After you tell him, be quiet! Let him process what you said. The longer he takes to answer, the more telling it may be. Keeping quiet will be the hardest thing you may have to do!
Do it for yourself, too.
NOT telling him is a bit like keeping a secret, and why would you want to keep that from someone you care about? Putting up an emotional screen to hide your feelings while you wait for him to open up is tiring, not your genuine self, and confusing.
So if not for him, tell him for yourself, to get it off your chest!
For all you know, he may be waiting... and waiting... and waiting to hear how you feel. He may even get tired of waiting and move on. And what a shame that would be if you both share the same feelings! Men can be just as insecure as us about opening up. As we've said, they appreciate the direct approach and a willingness to risk hearing the truth.
Don't get caught up in analysis paralysis.
Do you know the expression "analysis paralysis?" It means turning a simple situation into rocket science. The art of overthinking. Overthinking anything will drive you crazy!
You need to think positive and know, deep in your heart, that you've got nothing to lose by telling him how you feel. In fact, you have everything to gain!
It might be tough telling him how you feel. There's no perfect way to do it. Be direct… "You know, I really like you…" (and then remember to be quiet!). Or be a little coy, but not too much. Don't turn it into a guessing game - that's for 7-year-olds. Something like, "You might not realize it, but I kinda like you."
Texting is risky because it doesn't convey emotion like your face and tone of voice do. So if you text, be even more direct, and use an emoji. Something like, "I like you a lot and would love to get to know you better!" ... ending with the emoji wink with a heart.
How you communicate your emotions has tremendous power over a man.
How you communicate can push him away if he's not ready (good to know sooner rather than later!) and pull him in closer if he is. If he feels the same way you do, chances are when you tell him, he'll like you even more!
While you probably like being perceived as independent - as opposed to needy - we all like to feel needed. Feeling needed is way different from being needy. When you tell a man you like him, it arouses his "manliness" in a primeval way. He likes thinking you might depend on him for certain things.
At the same time, by confessing your feelings, you don't want him to feel pressured or trapped.
How do you avoid this? By carrying on with your life! Don't always be the one to suggest things to do... wait for him to make a suggestion. Take turns, even though he may not know that's what you're doing. Don't always be available. It's okay to say, "sorry, I've got plans," but you also add, "I'll take a rain check though! I'd love to do that."
This way, he knows you want to be with him but also that you're maintaining some independence. Men like strong women - at least any man you want to have a relationship with does!
So, the quick answer to the question "Should I tell him how I feel?" is a loud and clear YES!
The reasons for sharing your feelings far outweigh not sharing them:
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He'll respect you for being authentic. NO guy worth your time would respond negatively when someone tells him, "I like you!"
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You'll feel better. Squashing your feelings, pretending, or hiding them isn't healthy for either of you.
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He deserves to know, and you deserve to know if he feels the same way. There's no quicker way than to confess your feelings and see how he reacts. If he doesn't share your feelings, then you've saved yourself a lot of time and heartache. You don't need to waste your time on a relationship that's going nowhere. But if he does share your feelings, then you can pour all your energy into making it that much better!
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He will respect you for being bold, honest, and open - unafraid of what he might think.
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What better way to take the temperature of a relationship! When all's said and done, you'll feel good about who's looking back at you in the mirror after you tell him how you feel.