Why does my boyfriend still talk to his ex? If you've ever asked that question, you're not alone. Many women struggle with the fact that their boyfriends still contact their exes. If you think about it rationally, isn't it weird for someone to still want to stay friends with their ex? While some relationships can end on good terms, it's still odd to keep in touch with someone that you had a relationship with.
This problem can disturb your relationship and even destroy your trust towards your boyfriend. If your boyfriend's actions are worrying you, read on to find out what you can do about it.
Possible Reasons Why He Is Still in Touch With His Ex
Before you jump to any conclusions, first let's figure out why your boyfriend is talking to an ex. There are many reasons why he's still in touch with that person. Don't blindly accuse him of cheating on you. Instead, figure out why he's doing it. While there are a million reasons why your boyfriend is still talking to his past loved one, here are some of the most plausible reasons.
1. They're simply friends
Yes, while it's weird for someone to befriend their ex, some people do so. Try checking with his friends or mutuals to check if they're friends, nothing more and nothing less. This can be harmless or destructive, depending on your reaction and his intention.
2. They have unfinished business
It's possible that he still has unfinished business with her and he's hiding this from you to not worry you. Maybe they still have some money issues regarding their previous apartment or dispute about their belongings.
3. He likes flirting
Is your boyfriend a flirt? What about his ex? If any of them enjoys flirting, that may be the reason. It's possible that your boyfriend loves flirty exchanges and the attention he gets from another person.
4. He's trying to make you jealous
There's a possibility that your boyfriend is trying to get your attention. Maybe he's contacting his ex to get you jealous so that you will shower him with more affection. It's not the right way to get your attention, but if you're reading this article, well, it's working.
5. He might still be in love with her
Lastly, the dreaded reason why your boyfriend still talks to ex. He may still be in love with her or maybe he has just realized that he treasured her more after losing her. It's hard to accept this reason, but it's still a possibility.
Some Things to Take Into Consideration
Okay, so have you got a rough idea about why your boyfriend still talks to an ex? If so, you still shouldn't do anything rash. Take some things into consideration before you start to question his loyalty and love for you. Try asking the following questions to get a better picture of the situation.
1. How often does this happen?
Does your boyfriend contact his ex often or is it just a one-time thing? If it's a one-time thing, then you probably shouldn't lose sleep over it. He may just want to settle things with her. But if this happens regularly, don't be afraid to bring up the issue to him.
2. Is he open about it?
Has he been hiding the fact that he's communicating with his ex? Or did he tell you all about it? While people are entitled to their privacy, things like this shouldn't be hidden from a partner, no matter what his intentions are. Keeping secrets is usually a red flag.
3. Do you feel secure in your relationship?
Do you have a healthy and loving relationship with him? If the two of you maintain good communication and trust each other, this shouldn't be a big issue. Try telling him that you're uncomfortable with his actions. But if your relationship isn't as secure as you'd like it to be, then you might want to start an open discussion with him.
4. Has his behavior towards you changed?
Do you notice any changes in your boyfriend's behavior? If he has been acting distant or oddly loving towards you, then you should start to worry. People who feel guilty about their actions often change their behaviors. And if he feels guilty about contacting his ex, you might want to start questioning his loyalty.
What You Can Do About It
Have you assessed your situation? Good, now stay level-headed about it. Stay calm and try doing these things to address the situation.
1. Confront him
The first thing to remember is not to lose your cool and burst into tears. This is a tricky conversation to have but an important one nevertheless. Try sitting down with him and opening a discussion. Try not to point fingers or accuse him of anything. Simply bring up his actions and listen to his explanation. The key here is to act amicably and to fully listen to him.
2. Express your dislike towards his action
After confronting him, express your feelings. You're upset about his actions and that's understandable. Try to get him to understand your position. Remember to remain calm as you wouldn't want to get into unnecessary fights with your boyfriend at this stage.
3. Take some time to think
Once you've talked with your boyfriend about the situation, tell him that you'd like some time to think about it. Don't make any rash decisions that you'll regret later. Instead, cool down and reflect on what your response should be. Avoid blindly acting based on anger or insecurity. Use this time to think carefully about what your next step should be.
4. Ask to meet his ex
If your boyfriend states that he really is just friends with his ex, then he shouldn't have any doubts and fears about introducing you to her. Ask him to introduce the two of you. Getting to know his ex may be awkward, but it can help clear up the doubts you have against him. Doing this can also put your mind at peace. Plus, when you meet her you can also tell her that while you're okay with them being friends, you'd like them to still maintain some distance.
5. Dump him
Did you find some distasteful evidence that your boyfriend is cheating? Did he admit to cheating himself? Then, there's no other option than to just end the relationship. Talking to an ex is one thing, but cheating with an ex is simply unacceptable. While breakups can be painful, it's better to nip the problem in the bud and avoid getting hurt even more in the future.
Takeaway Message
Finding out about your boyfriend talking to an ex is never an easy situation to deal with. However, before you start crying and throwing accusations at him, try to communicate this with him. Contacting an ex doesn't necessarily mean he still has feelings for her. It's always important to be aware of his intentions. Be aware of red flags, but try to still trust him. This is a very touchy subject, so avoid snooping around and pressing him for too many details, or you might end up destroying any trust that the two of you may have.