Relationships are overrated, complicated, and full of angst. So, do you really want to be in a relationship with anyone? Perhaps you prefer to keep things, well, simple. Maybe you just want someone to date - someone with whom to go to the movies, do outdoor stuff (if that's what you both like), or share a meal now and then.
Do you ever wonder why you feel that way? As human beings, we are built to seek a relationship with another person. Have you ever asked yourself, "Why don't I want a relationship?" Now is the time to explore the answer to that question.
Reasons Why I Don't Want a Relationship: Is It Okay to Be Alone?
There are some reasons when not wanting to be in a relationship makes sense. Committing to a relationship takes work, personal and emotional investment (and we're not talking about financial here), and opening yourself up to being vulnerable. Sometimes, it's just not a good time to do that.
If you've just ended a relationship, being "on the rebound" doesn't put you in the best frame of mind. There is a grieving process that you have to allow yourself to go through.
One stage of that grieving is anger, and that's when you might just be thinking "#@*! it! I'm gonna find another guy/girl!!!" Slow down. Any relationship will suffer in the long run if it's born out of that type of motivation.
If you know you'll be moving from the area and won't be returning either at all or for quite a long time, it's probably not the best time to get involved with someone. That said, there are long-distance relationships that have worked, but it's important to be upfront with your partner right in the beginning.
Let them know you'll be leaving. If you're okay with that, but they are not, it's better to just remain friends, only before feelings get hurt.
Doing What's Expected...Or Not
Just because it may be the "norm" to be in a relationship, that doesn't mean it has to be your norm. If you aren't ready to share your freedom, or rather let go of some of that freedom, it's good that you recognize that.
Don't succumb to outside pressure because "it's the thing to do" when you know it's wrong for you. Sometimes it's best to stick to your "I don't want a relationship" guns.
More people might have a hard time expressing their emotions - an important part of having a true relationship. If you would describe yourself that way or others have told you that you have a tendency to be emotionally distant, that's a trait that doesn't bode well for having a quality relationship.
This is especially true if it comes from being hurt or angry. A better way to invest your time and invest in yourself might be by exploring with a counselor what's behind those feelings.
Past trauma can leave hidden, or sometimes not-so-hidden, scars. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can dramatically alter your reactions to having a relationship. Especially vulnerable people are those who have experienced domestic violence. If you find yourself pushing anyone away that tries to get close to you for any reason, such as a new friend, co-worker, or perhaps a romantic partner, it's time to get some help.
"Back in the day", as they say, women were expected to marry. Men were expected to create heirs, have a family, and be the caretakers and bread-winners. Today, society has very different values. Yes, there are some cultures that still place a high value on marriage and children, but they are vastly outnumbered by those that don't. Just because you think now, "I don't want a relationship", that doesn't mean you will never want a relationship.
Maybe you're doing some work on you, which is always a good thing. Maybe you're focused on your career, which is also not such a bad thing. Maybe you're acting as a caregiver to a sick parent, sibling, or friend. That takes a supreme commitment and leaves little time - or emotional energy - for anything or anyone else.
Some men and women aren't ready for the sexual commitment of a monogamous relationship. They want variety in their sex life, and not everyone is okay with the idea of an "open" relationship. There may still be some social stigma around a woman being sexually active, but you don't have to advertise it. For both men and women, be discrete, respectful, and most of all, be careful. Use protection.
Some people just don't like commitment, period. Are you someone that changes jobs frequently, doesn't like to sign a lease or make any big, long-term purchases like a house? Let's say you paid cash for your car so you wouldn't have to commit to a 5-year loan, or you consider yourself a bit of a gypsy. These same personality traits can also have an effect on your relationships.
You may actually be thinking "I don't want to have a relationship, ever." If that's a decision that makes you truly happy and not made out of depression, then hooray for knowing yourself so well. If you aren't happy and make that decision because you're running away from something, then you should really consider addressing what's going on. You'll be a better person for it.
Coming to Terms With Being Alone
Being "alone" doesn't mean you're a recluse and never have contact with anyone. It doesn't mean that you have no friends. Some people can feel alone in a room full of people. It's important to examine your reasons for not wanting a relationship.
Be brutally honest with yourself. As we've said, if you're truly happy with superficial encounters or short-term associations and you're honest about that with those whom you meet, then that's great. But if you're choosing that out of fear, heartbreak, depression, or any number of other negative feelings, then for your own sake, it's time to reach out for help.
It doesn't mean you're weak. It takes courage to ask for help. In the end, you'll be infinitely stronger for it.