As if distinguishing between sympathy, infatuation, falling in love, and being in love isn't hard enough, we have yet to find out how long it takes us to feel, acknowledge, and express love.
Romantic movies have shown us over the years that there is such a thing as "love at first sight". They have also presented love stories between best friends who came to the realization that they have deep feelings for each other after years of friendship.
So, how long does it take to like someone? The truth is we are all different, and so is our perception of love. There are numerous factors that contribute to how fast or slow you develop intense romantic feelings for someone and the other way around.
Let's see what they are and how they may affect you on a personal level.
The First Thing First: Falling in Love and Being in Love Are Two Different Things
Relationship expert Kemi Sogunle comes to our rescue by clearly separating the way we feel when we are falling in love from the way we feel when we are already in love.
According to her, if you feel butterflies in your stomach, experience a sudden interest in cheesy love songs, and you are distracted thinking about him or her all the time, you are in the process of falling in love.
When you are already in love, sharing personal thoughts and desires is something you feel comfortable doing. Also, you'll develop a more understanding attitude towards this person's personal agenda. His or her looks isn't the only reason you'll be looking forward to their company.
While these explanations work at identifying your feelings, they might also confuse you. This is because they can occur at the same time. This doesn't solve the "how long does it take to like someone" mystery, but it can help you better understand the way you feel.
Attraction Occurs in a Matter of Seconds
According to a recent study done by researchers from the University of Pennsylvania in collaboration with the online dating company, HurryDate, it only takes people 3 seconds to decide if they feel attracted to someone or not.
The study was conducted on 10,000 people between the ages of 20 and 40 who tried speed dating.
So, how long does it take to know if you like someone? If you are thinking about physical appearance only, then the answer is 3 seconds.
Love at First Sight Is a Chemical Reaction
According to a poll conducted by Harper's Bazaar 3 years ago, both men and women think love at first sight exists. Out of all respondents, 61% of women and 72% of men believe they could feel genuine love just by looking at someone and connecting with him or her instantly.
Neuropsychotherapist Dr. Trisha Stratford explains the phenomenon in a simple manner. She defines "love at first sight" as a chemical reaction. Dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and adrenaline are only a few of the chemicals released by the brain in the presence of someone we are attracted to.
Therefore, what you might experience is the effect of feel-good chemicals flooding your brain. It's not true love, because that occurs over time. It is a process that involves communication, trust, sharing the same principles, compassion, empathy, and so on.
Gender Differences Affect Love
Unlike everything you've heard before and thought so far, it seems that men are not commitment-phobes. In his work, "Let's Get Serious: Communicating Commitment in Romantic Relationships", author Joshua M. Ackerman reveals men's tendency to confess their love earlier than women. In addition, they seem to feel a higher level of happiness in comparison with women when someone declares their love for them.
According to another survey, men only need 88 days on average to confess their love. Women, on the other hand, seem more reserved. On average, women share their feelings of love after approximately 134 days.
How long does it take to have a crush on someone? So far we've learned it can happen in as little as 3 seconds or in a period between 88 and 134 days.
Optimists and Pessimists in Love
Psychologist Yvonne Thomas, Ph.D. says that people who think positively perceive love in a different way. Their general attitude towards life is an optimistic one, so they don't think about all the ways a possible relationship could fail. On the contrary, they are open-hearted and are inclined to notice a person's qualities first.
Pessimists, however, tend to overanalyze the situation and protect themselves. They are not quick to declare their love because, to some extent, they expect the worst. Therefore, we can safely say that optimists take less time to like someone than pessimists.
Age Changes Our Perception of Love
When a teenager falls in love, he or she is overwhelmed by those feelings. They are intense, and they are new. In addition, teenagers don't have a defensive mechanism in motion, yet because they are not experienced when it comes to romantic love.
People who have already been in love a few times and involved in long-term relationships have a better idea about what they're looking for in a partner, and they are more cautious. That's why they need more time until they catch feelings.
There's a huge difference in emotional availability depending on age and past experiences.
Relationship History Matters Too
In our attempt to assess how long it takes to have a crush on someone, we found out that one's relationship history plays a great role. If you think about it, it's quite logical. A person who has had bad experiences in the past doesn't jump in the arms of anyone before taking precautions.
Moreover, people who were betrayed, cheated on, or abused (verbally and physically) are the most reluctant ones. They could feel love, but they have a hard time accepting it or giving it a course.
High Emotional Intelligence Promotes Love
Those of you who are in touch with your feelings have higher emotional intelligence than others. You are the first to figure out when you catch feelings, but you could also confuse simple lust or attachment with love.
When it comes to people with lower emotional intelligence, they always misread the signs. Even though they feel great in the company of their partner and get along very well, they are not quick to judge whether it's love or something else.
Summary
Factors such as age, relationship history, physical attraction, emotional intelligence, personality type, and gender all contribute to how long it takes us to like and love someone.
So, if you're looking for the one, don't pressure yourself. It could happen in as little as 3 seconds or in a few months.