The inevitable has happened. "I can't stop thinking about him," you say to yourself all too often. A relationship that probably meant the world to you has ended. Now you can't get your mind off him, regardless of how hard you try. You feel like there is a fine line between your love for this man and obsession. The butterflies in your stomach turn into an endless void, and nothing seems to fill it. If it's any consolation, you are not alone.
Breakups are devastating and anyone who says otherwise hasn't yet experienced true intimacy. Even so, this is not the time to lose yourself; it is time to reconnect with your core being and live a fuller life! If you are consistent, you will be amazed by how well the following tips can both distract you and help you get back on track.
I Can't... YES, You Can!
Love isn't the most rational thing that can happen to us. However, you can use your logic to translate your subjectivity and simply transpose it in your day-to-day life. As it follows, we will go through a few efficient steps together that are guaranteed to help with your healing process.
1. Any form of contact is not advisable
You definitely don't want to hear this, but the no contact rule is quite efficient. One of the reasons you keep asking yourself, "Why can't I stop thinking about him," is because you are not ready to let go. There's nothing wrong with you thinking this way, especially if your breakup is fresh. However, if you keep calling him and texting him, the bond between you two will take longer to break.
How could you possibly live on without him in your life, especially after you both went through so much together? The answer, although you might not want to accept it yet, is this: the same way you did before him. So, as much as it hurts right now, keep in mind that your recovery process will start only after you apply the no contact rule.
2. Stay away from social media
Let's say that you understand why the no contact rule works, but you feel a little social media stalking isn't a problem. On the contrary, you will know where he goes, who he meets, what goes through his mind, and so on.
All this information is unnecessary. It will only deepen your despair and your mind will be clouded again. He was a part of your life, but he is not your present anymore. Why lose your time, energy, and morale with him when you can do something else?
3. Just let bygones be bygones
This phrase originated in the 15th century, and it holds great wisdom. It refers to forgiving and forgetting. When you feel heart-broken, memories of your ex flood your brain. They only highlight your best moments and make you think that breaking up was a mistake that you should fix.
That's far from what you should really do. No one is saying that you should exclude him from your thoughts like he was never there. Cherish the good times you spent together, but don't hurt yourself by going too far.
4. Store away reminders of him
According to the Feng Shui practice, Buddhism, as well as the advice of renowned psychologists, the last thing you need is to stumble upon reminders of him around your home. Constant reminders that melt your heart will only enhance the "I can't stop thinking about him" feeling. So, take all the stuff that reminds you of him and put them away in a box. In time, this method will prove to be effective as well.
5. Don't hide your suffering
Feeling devastated after a breakup is no reason to be ashamed. Talk about how you feel with your best friend. However, make sure you don't overdo it. As previously mentioned, there's a fine line between love and obsession - one that you don't want to cross.
Conversely, if your ex is all you talk about, pace yourself! Ask yourself this: Is there nothing else in this world that still interests me? Reconnect with your old passions or find new ones.
6. Go out and about
Instead of telling your friends over and over "I can't stop thinking about him. Am I in love?" and other similar phrases, ask them out. You might not be in the mood to fix yourself up and go out at all, but it works.
Your confidence is surely at low levels right now. However, when was the last time you looked in the mirror and liked what you saw? Make sure you look your best and go out with your friends. They will lift your spirits before you know it.
7. Make new memories
Another great way you can use your brain in your favor is to make new memories. Thus, your old memories will not seem vivid anymore. Scientists explain this process in an easy manner: "To substitute a memory, people can redirect their consciousness towards an alternative memory."
Therefore, stop tormenting yourself by replaying the same moments from the past over and over again.
8. Find distractions to better yourself
Binging on TV shows is indeed a way to distract yourself. However, unless you are a picture-goer, this activity will not be effective in the long run. That's why it's important to discover or re-discover what truly interests you.
If you approach this solution with pragmatism, you will understand it won't happen overnight. Finding something you are passionate about is pretty hard, even when you are not trying to get over someone. So, you can look at this as an opportunity to focus on another topic and to direct your thoughts towards yourself.
9. Set goals that motivate you
Having a purpose in this life is crucial. Without purpose, we feel lost and may not see the point of living anymore. Depression is one step away if you dwell on the past. That's why setting goals that motivate you could work. Contempt and satisfaction are two of the most positive feelings you will experience when you reach your goals. In this regard, try not to set impossible goals.
10. Hang out with or date new men
You are definitely not ready to date other men if you keep saying "I can't stop thinking about him". Even so, it would be best for you to at least try. Aside from having a good time and taking your mind off your ex, meeting new men is useful for giving you other perspectives. Also, they will surely make you feel desirable and appreciated.
11. Time is key
Don't force yourself to stop thinking about your ex. Try to make the best of every day. In time, you missing him will not cause you as much pain as it does today. Although not an easy fix, time is on your side. Try not to waste it.
Keep Trying Until You Can
Just like you didn't fall in love overnight, you will not fall out of love overnight. It's really up to you how long your suffering will continue. So, even if you sometimes have to toughen up, remember that it's for your own good. Look at the future as an opportunity to grow, explore, have fun, and love again.