At some point, after a special someone enters your life, you will be faced with a dilemma regarding if and when you should introduce him to your family. The pressure could come from your loved ones because they are curious about your new partner. Or, you might be so enthusiastic about your relationship that you will not want to wait a minute longer to introduce him to your loved ones.
There is no ideal time to make the introduction as every relationship is different and both members must be prepared. Relationship expert Rachel Sussman suggests that "Usually, that's after at least four or five months." Here are a few guidelines which you can follow to ensure the success of this interaction.
1. Arrange a meeting with your friends first
Experts advise you to introduce your partner to your friends first before you introduce them to your family. They urge you not to rush this meeting either. Sometimes, your perception about him and the bond between the two of you might be negatively influenced by your friends' opinions. Therefore, it is important for you to know that he is a keeper before that.
According to Sussman, when you reach the 3 months threshold, you can safely arrange a meeting. When you do so, pick a casual event, such as someone's birthday, a dinner party, or a group picnic.
The point here is to see how your new partner gets along with your friends, to get a first-hand opinion, and to include him in this part of your life as well.
2. Determine if you're ready to make the introductions
Before you even consider the advice of relationship experts, you should first ask yourself how you really feel. Figure out on your own if you are truly ready for a serious, committed relationship. Otherwise, there is no point in getting your family involved just yet.
Isadora Alman, licensed marriage and relationship therapist, says: "When there's a decision to be made, from the mundane to the life-altering, we all need to do an internal check-in first." Ask yourself the following questions.
3. Have you already told your parents about him?
Your partner obviously knows about your parents, but do your parents know about him? Have you told them about the man you're in a relationship with? A few details now and then also count. We're not referring to an official announcement. It's more about keeping them up to date with what goes on in your personal life. If you did mention him, then take it as a sign that you are ready for them to meet. As soon as you become aware of this aspect, you can tell them more about your beau prior to introducing him.
4. Are you comfortable with the thought of introducing him?
When should you introduce him to your family? When the idea is not intimidating for any of you. However, until you find out his opinion on the subject, you should focus on what you feel. Are you enthusiastic or reluctant about this idea?
If you are reluctant, ask yourself why. Is it because of your past experiences, or are you unsure about him?
5. Do you already have plans for the future?
Sexologist and relationship expert Jessica O'Reilly says: "Your future with your partner is not only about the two of you - your friends and family are relevant to your relationship, so if you're planning any big changes (like moving cities, moving in together), it's wise to introduce them to the people with whom you're closest."
So, when do you introduce him to your parents? As soon as you two start making serious plans for the future.
Conversely, if no plans were discussed, or if you don't really see a future with your current partner, then maybe it's not advisable to rush things. Take your time to analyze your relationship before you get other people involved.
6. Do you feel he will effortlessly make a good impression?
The thought of introducing your beau to your friends and family doesn't scare you because you don't see anything that could go wrong. You are confident that he will do well in any given situation. There aren't any aspects of him that you wish to keep hidden.
Conversely, the thought of your parents finding out about his, let's say, criminal record, terrifies you. Or maybe he's not particularly proud of his past and explaining to your parents would be too much for you.
7. Do you think your family could negatively affect your relationship?
In the Journal of Marriage and the Family, Sprecher & Felmlee point out that your parents' approval of your partner is more important than you think. However, if you feel that the bond between you and him is strong enough not to be negatively influenced by others, take it as a good sign.
Even so, when you ask yourself how long you should date before introducing him to your family consider the advice of therapist Barton Goldsmith: "It takes at least six months to really get to know someone and feel fully comfortable with them." If you follow his recommendation, the possible doubt you might be feeling right now could go away naturally.
8. Talk to your partner about meeting the parents
Now that you know what relationship experts advise (to date for 4-6 months and to deepen your bond), and you have thoroughly thought about your feelings towards this situation, what's left to do is to talk to your partner about it.
Ask him how he feels about meeting your parents and what it means for him and your relationship. Some people think meeting the family means taking a step forward in the relationship, upgrading it to a higher level. Others are just curious about how their parents and their partners would interact, how they would get along, and what they would think about each other.
Your partner's input on this is extremely important. If he's open to your idea and he is only a bit concerned because he wants to make a good impression, that's great. However, if he seems freaked out by your thoughts, you should ask why. He could be reluctant because he doesn't see you and your relationship in the same way as you do, or because, let's say, he comes from a dysfunctional family or he has never been introduced before. There are many possible situations that require an open discussion.
According to social psychologist Theresa E DiDonato, "The top reasons behind hiding a partner from parents include fearing that parents will disapprove and not wanting to be serious with the partner."
9. Pick the right time and place to introduce him
The discussion between you and your partner went well, and you both agreed on taking this step. Your parents are also receptive and would like to meet him. Before the formal introduction, it's worth noting that both your parents and your partner should know a little bit about each other. If there are some things considered unacceptable in your family, brief your special someone about them. Anything less common or surprising falls in this category. From this point on, you only have to pick the right time and place.
Experts advise you to arrange a small gathering at your place, your parent's house, or a casual restaurant. It is not recommended to introduce him for the first time at a big family reunion, holiday, or an event such as a wedding. Keep things intimate. If everything goes well, he'll meet your other family members too.
Summary
The right time to meet or introduce the parents is not fixed. It depends on your feelings, the stability of your relationship, your partner's opinion, as well as your family's opinion. Experts say it is best to wait until the bond between you is strong enough and you envision a future together. However, waiting too long could raise a series of uncomfortable questions. The key is to find balance.