Love makes us do unspeakable things. It feeds on grand gestures. It gives us hope that everything will turn out great in the end. Commitment, on the other hand, involves more than feelings of love. There are so many factors that contribute to a successful love story, that waiting for someone seems like the least we can do, until it affects us in unwanted ways.
Should you wait for someone who is not ready for a serious relationship, or is it a dead end? The decision is yours as you're the only one who will have to endure its implications. However, it's worth discussing why it would be best not to.
Bad Timing Vs. Waste of Time
The reasons why a person isn't ready or doesn't want to commit may have nothing to do with you. They might be personal, such as a busy career life, childhood trauma, or baggage from past relationships. Even so, waiting for the wrong person to make up his or her own mind could turn into a period of emotional torture for you.
1. Waiting can prove to be a painful experience
Should you wait for someone who is either not ready or not certain he or she wants to get involved in a relationship with you?
When you don't know what to expect, how long it will take, and what the outcome will be, you won't be at peace. Waiting for days, months, or even years in some cases, will prove to be emotionally damaging. You are basically exposing yourself to constant suffering because you love a person who offers you nothing or far less in return. Love might be selfless, but unshared love is torture.
2. The emotional draining involved could be too much
Let's say you decide to wait. You are willing to show this guy or girl that your love means much more than patience. In other words, you want to prove your worth. You want to show the object of your affection that you understand, that you don't want to rush him or her and that your feelings are strong enough for you to do this.
Waiting for a long time, and especially in vain, can have negative consequences on your self-confidence, self-worth, positive thinking, and emotional availability. You will most probably feel discouraged and not loveable. So, is someone's indecisiveness worth all of these?
3. There's even more uncertainty in waiting indefinitely
No one can tell for sure how long it will take to be ready, or fix a certain problem, or get that promotion, or break up with the current partner. If anyone gives you an indefinite time frame, they are only stalling you. They want to keep you close for whenever they might need you. Giving you false hope is nothing for a person who can't decide over such a simple matter. In terms of love, things should be simple; the presence or absence of love is, in fact, the decisive factor.
4. The future may not turn out as you imagine it
According to another very possible hypothesis, this man or woman will eventually decide to be in a committed relationship with you. The joy you will feel then is uplifting even now. But what if you two don't work out? What if you discover incompatibilities that are impossible to resolve? Are you truly willing to sacrifice a certain amount of time in your life for a shady future, not to mention a whole array of negative emotions?
You must be honest with yourself. Can you bet on this man or woman? Try to imagine unhappy outcomes as well, not just happy ones.
5. You could be lying to yourself without realizing it
Let's take a trip down memory lane and remember if he or she has ever mentioned not wanting a relationship, wanting an open relationship, wanting to experiment, pause his or her love life in order to focus on work, and so on. You might already know the answer, but your mind is trying to ignore it.
Choosing to rely on hope rather than facts is bad for you. So, make sure you didn't fall into your own trap. Hoping for someone to change isn't love. The person you want to be in a relationship with could be different from the image you have created of him or her.
6. Your efforts could never pay off
How long should you wait for someone while you're 100% invested in them? Your needs are clearly not met, while theirs are. You offer them time, freedom, love, and who knows what else. Maybe you're the one calling and texting and asking them out. Or, maybe you accept them ghosting you, thinking they are away on a journey to self-discovery. Even if they are, you are not involved in it. You could wait for someone to change just to discover you don't want the person he or she has become. There are too many questions and uncertainties, don't you think?
7. Waste of time
A common factor when starting a relationship is timing. Bad timing doesn't mean that this certain someone doesn't love you or doesn't want to be with you. However, what guarantees do you have that this person will ever be ready to commit? What if you wait for a while, embracing anxiety, paranoia, and loneliness, and then you find out it was a waste of your time and feelings? Should you wait for someone who might not be available for you in the future?
What you could do instead is embrace self-love. Move on with your life and maybe give this person a chance when they come back crawling to you in the future. That is, of course, if he or she ever come back.
8. You might miss out on meeting the real right one
I know you are not ready to hear this, but the real right one could be gazing at you this second. While you choose self-sacrifice, someone else could replace all that with love, commitment, and dedication. During the waiting period, you won't be receptive to other people and you won't notice someone who is truly worthy of you.
Move On
Movies and novels present impossible love stories with happy endings. They are not based on real-life though, and for many of us, there's no happiness ever after. You are the most important person in your life and you should do everything in your favor, not take responsibility for other people's drama and indecisiveness. The negative aspects of waiting are simply not worth experiencing for an uncertain future.